


A Human Touch

by FluffyPieCake



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ghosts, M/M, anesthesia awareness, awake au, brain aneurysm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 16:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14835503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyPieCake/pseuds/FluffyPieCake
Summary: “Everyone breathes. Everyone dies. But not everyone lives.”





	A Human Touch

**Author's Note:**

> A Zarry Awake AU with some changes to fit the ship. Tell me what you think here or at my [Tumblr](http://fluffypiecake.tumblr.com)!

****

**Sunday, 12:00 pm. 18 th February, 2018**

Everything is black. He feels so tired. His body is shaking with movement, like someone is pushing him as he lays down, but he can’t open his eyes, and his voice isn’t reaching his own ears. He wants to ask what’s happening, but his lips are sealed, his limbs are heavy, and the only thing on his mind that he’s taken his medicine, he’s prepared a lovely night with his husband, his head is pounding and his breathing is a little harder than normal, and he wants to open his eyes. The voices around him are all blurring into one beep. He feels his body being lifted then dropped on something else before he feels the stinging sensation of needles connecting with his body. The voices are becoming clearer, and he hears the word ‘doctor’ quite often. Someone else tells the doctor that they’re ready as he feels his breathing evening, his body resting on whatever drug they injected to his body, and he can feel someone holding his head. The voices around him are silent again for a moment, sounds of beeps and clicks are all he can hear before something sharp connects with the back of his head.

“Wait …” He tries to talk, feels his lips moving now, but his body is as heavy, and he can’t move when the sharp pain continues. “Wait …” He tries again, louder this time, and his breathing isn’t even right now. He’s moving his eyes but all he sees is black, like there’s something covering his eyes. He tries to move his body again, a slight shake of his fingertips, and screams as the pain becomes unbearable.

“His heart rate is elevating!”

“His breathing is not normal.”

“Doctor?”

The beeps are getting louder in his ears, his own screams is echoing, and his body feels so heavy until it’s not, and he’s losing the feeling of everything around him.

////

**Monday, 3:00 am. 19 th February, 2018**

He opens his eyes at last, vision blurry at first then restricted with the movement of his head, and he’s trying to move it, really trying to, but all his attempts are failing. With a huff of breath, he gives up, looking around him to see his surroundings. His memory is catching up slightly, realizing that the white room with blue horizontal lines at the corners is a hospital room. The beeps of the machines next to him are still louder than he wants them to, and he takes a deep breath before he tries to sit up. It doesn’t work, and he grunts as he looks back up at the ceiling, the faint light is staring back at him.

The door opens, and he waits for the person to come into his line of vision. It’s a nurse, wearing her pink uniform and an emotionless face as she checks on him, her eyes landing on his body before they go to the monitors. She writes down some stuff then turns to leave, and he frowns at her.

“Excuse me?” He calls after her, not understanding her rude behavior. Why wouldn’t she at least say a word to him? Perhaps explaining his condition? Telling him everything is going to be okay? Just a smile? Having a bad day doesn’t mean that she gets to neglect her patients. He should have a word with the chief.

The window in his room shows nothing of the outside, and he stays there shouting at the door for someone to come for him but they never do.

////

**Monday, 6:00 am. 19 th February, 2018**

The room is dark when he opens his eyes again this time. The light is off, and he can faintly see the reflection of the monitors on the walls. The door opens quietly, and a person approaches him. It’s a doctor this time, and he can’t make anything of his face other than he has a beard, and that he’s tall with a fit build.

“Finally decided to pay me some attention?” The doctor pulls something out of his pocket and he squints his eyes at it. The doctor injects it at the tube ending at his wrist, and he frowns. “What are you doing?” He watches the liquid travelling down. “Hey?!” He shouts at him, glancing between the liquid and the doctor, and he wants to move his head, his hand, his leg, just anything, but he can’t, and it frustrates him to no ends. “I’m telling you to …” He starts feeling dizzy, his vision getting blurry, and his eyes lay still on the doctor’s face. There’s a look in his eyes that he can’t quite figure, and it’s the last thing that he sees before the darkness comes back.

////

**Monday, 9:10 am. 19 th February, 2018**

The light is back inside the room, and when he tries to move his head this time, he’s successful at it. Maybe the hospital he’s in has bad staff, but at least he can move freely now after what the doctor injected to him. He takes a deep breath as he stretches his hands and legs, feeling nothing attached to his body. He sighs and sits up, pushing his hair backwards and blinking at the door. There are faint voices that he can hear from inside the room, and he guesses it’s okay if he went outside on his own. He goes to push the covers off him when his hands touch nothing, and he frowns as he looks down.

His hands are below the covers, going through it, but he’s not feeling anything. He blinks at it twice, goes to lift his hands and drop it again for it to go through the covers once more. He rubs his eyes again and again, eyes wide at the scene before him, and he gets off the bed quickly, eyes going wide and body going still at what he sees next.

It’s him. His body is still there on the bed, eyes closed and resting with the monitors beeping and the tubes connected. His hospital gown is identical with the one he’s wearing right now, and he tries to rub his eyes again, bare feet moving across the floor that he can’t feel. He’s not even certain that he’s awake right now. He goes for the door, hands unable to grip the handle, and when he tries to hit it with his fist, it passes through it. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, taking a step forwards and praying he feels anything. When he opens his eyes again, he sees the hall outside his room, and he tries to pinch himself awake but it’s not working.

His eyes land on a figure standing suddenly, wide hazel eyes staring at him, and he sighs in relief, a shaky breath coming out of his mouth as he hurries towards his husband, but he stops dead in his tracks when the figure passes through him, and he keeps blinking at the people passing by until his husband’s voice breaks his stance. He turns in his heels, matching the figure standing with the one who came into his room that night. He’s having a smile on his face, brown hair with brown eyes, and he doesn’t recognize him. Never had seen this doctor in his life. He stands between the two, seeing how the hazel eyes are so tired. He’s probably been awake ever since he got here. He just doesn’t know when he got here exactly or for how long has he been staying.

“How’s he?”

“Relax,” the doctor replies, “he’s resting at the moment.”

“Can I see him?”

“I’m afraid you cannot. Not right now.” His husband exhales, eyes going shut as he places his hands over them. “You’ve not recognized me yet, have you, Zayn?” Zayn’s hands fall and he squints his eyes at the doctor as Harry does the same. “We went to the same high school.”

Zayn nods as he blinks at him. “Payne …”

“Liam,” the doctor finishes for him. “Liam Payne.”

“Right,” Zayn nods again. “Sorry, I …” he waves with his hand around, and Harry can hear how tired he is in his voice. “I think I’m not in my best shape. My mind is a bit out of it.”

Liam nods. “Does he has a family we can contact?” He points at the room.

“I’m his husband,” Zayn replies.

“You wouldn’t like to contact other family members?”

Zayn is quiet for a moment, and Harry understand why he wouldn’t want to call his family. “Is his condition that serious?”

“Would you like to discuss that while we sit down? Maybe have something to eat or drink?”

“What?” Zayn frowns and Harry turns to squint at Liam.

“You don’t look like you’re in your best shape, and if I’m being honest, we might have to get you a room next to your husband if you keep looking like that,” Liam offers a light smile, and Zayn closes his eyes for a moment before he’s opening them again.

“Alright,” he sighs heavily, and Liam smiles wider. He leads Zayn out with a hand on his back, and Harry feels something is off. He still follows them until they reach the cafeteria. Liam chooses the outdoor area to sit in, and although Harry doesn’t quite feel the chair beneath his legs, he sits on the chair between the two, a furrow to his brows when he realizes how small the table is. Sure, it’s made for two people, but he doesn’t like how close Liam is to his husband.

“I like what you did to your hair,” Liam points out after he orders for them both. It’s just a raise of his hand and the waiter gets his order. Harry knows that Liam must have been working here for at least a couple of years now, but to order for Zayn too? He’s receiving negative energy from Liam ever since he showed up at his room that night, and something tells him that he should be upset at those small things right now.

Zayn blinks at him, mind absent again, and Harry wishes he can tell him that he’s here. That his dream has mixed with the reality, and now he’s here. “Yeah. Thanks.” Zayn’s hair has green highlights to his long black locks, and it’s not the first time he does that. It’s something he made for their anniversary, and it almost brings a smile to Harry’s face, but he doesn’t remember the rest of the night, and the hospital is the next thing he’s woken up to. “So?” He asks, and Liam gives him a confused look. “You said you were going to tell me about Harry’s condition.”

“Oh, right!” Liam clears his throat. “Has he been feeling ill lately? Any painful headaches? Feeling Nauseous? Vomiting? Loss of balance?”

Zayn frowns at him. “He gets headaches sometimes if he has too much work, but nothing else.”

Liam hums as he leans into the table. “Did he talk about having Sudden blurred or double vision?”

“No,” Zayn shakes his head.

Liam hums again. “Did he have any previous Injury or trauma to the head?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

Liam leans back in his chair as the waiter gets them their order. A cup of tea is placed in front of Zayn with a plate full of plain biscuits. “Thought of something light,” Liam tells him with a smile, and when Harry turns to look at Liam’s side, he seems to have a different order. He’s pretty much sure ordering two separating things isn’t his regular. “It’s by default,” he points at the biscuits, and it makes Harry squint his eyes at him more.

“Thanks,” Zayn merely looks at his cup before looking up at Liam again. “So does this have anything to do with Harry’s condition?”

“Have you ever heard about Brain Aneurysm?” Zayn shakes his head slowly. “I will need you to give me a family member number.” Reluctantly, Zayn searches through his phone contacts, and Harry sees Gemma’s number before Zayn is giving his phone to Liam. The latter writes it down on his own phone and returns Zayn’s phone back. He excuses himself for a minute to make the call, and Harry doesn’t hear what he says to his sister. He turns to Zayn instead, rubbing his temple with his hands and staring at his cup before deciding to pick a biscuit and dipping it in. It’s his favorite quick breakfast, and Harry’s seen him doing it multiple times before. He believes it’s a habit since before high school. How Liam knows of it is something he is yet to know. When Liam returns, he takes a sip of his cup and doesn’t talk about the conversation he’s had with Gemma. Zayn doesn’t ask either. “So … Where are you now in your life?” He asks and quickly adds, “aside from being married.”

It takes Zayn another moment to process as he looks back at Liam. “Um … I’m at my last year at college.” Liam raises his brows at that with a nod. “Yeah, I applied a bit late but,” he shrugs, “better late than never, I guess?”

“What’s your major?”

“Anthropology.”

“That’s very cool.”

“Yeah,” Zayn replies, shifting in his chair a little and smiles. “Thanks for bringing me out here. I think I needed that,” he looks down at his cup and picks it up as he leans back in his chair and takes a sip. “Think you’re pretty good at your job.”

Liam chuckles. “Not my specialty, but I try.”

Zayn’s phone rings, and Harry checks the screen seeing Louis’ name popping up. “Thanks for this, Liam,” Zayn slides to answer, “If you excuse me, I need to get down. My friend has arrived and he’s probably shitting himself worried cause I called him in a rush and-”

“I get it,” Liam cuts him off. “I also need to get down to see my other patients,” they stand up as Zayn brings the phone to his ear. “It’s Louis Tomlinson, isn’t it?” he nods at his phone, and Zayn pauses for a second as he stares at Liam. "He’s always been the closest to you. I hope you two are still friends …” Liam trails off awkwardly, Harry is more suspicious of him, and Zayn stares at him for another moment.

“Yeah … It’s Louis.”

Liam smiles at him and leads him downstairs once more. He hears Zayn describing to Louis which floor they’re in, and Liam excuses himself when he sees Louis arriving at their floor. Louis frowns at Liam for a moment before he’s rushing towards Zayn, taking him in a tight hug for a long moment.

“You alright, bro?” Louis asks then pulls back, looking at Zayn’s face between his hands. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Zayn replies at him. Louis hugs him one more time before he pulls him to sit down.

“Tell me my eyes are deceiving me,” Louis says first thing. “Was that Liam Payne?”

Zayn turns to him with a frown. “You know him?”

“He was with us at high school.”

“I vaguely remember him,” Zayn shrugs.

Louis cocks an eyebrow. “For real? You missed the hot dude?”

“I thought you have a boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Louis holds one finger up. “And I wasn’t talking about me, smartass. He had a major crush on you back then.” Zayn sighs and rolls his eyes.

“That was long time ago, Lou.”

“Doesn’t explain the heart eyes he’s giving you.”

“He’s not giving me heart eyes,” Zayn frowns.

“Mate, you’ve passed the making out in his brain to the fucking point.”

“My husband has been moved to the hospital one day after we got married. His condition isn’t stable, and I’m not allowed to see him still, so if this is a joke you’re trying to get me out of the mood with, it’s not fucking working, Lou!” Zayn raises his voice a bit, but if Harry’s being honest, he’s completely on Louis’ side. He regrets now not being that close with Zayn’s friends. Louis has been introduced to his life pretty much after meeting Zayn with a few days.

“Sorry, bro,” Louis apologizes quietly, a hand on Zayn’s shoulder. “He’s gonna be alright. What did the doctors say?”

Zayn exhales as he leans back in his chair. “Liam said something about Brain Aneurysm, asking if Harry had some weird symptoms, then he asked for a family member.” Louis hums. “What?”

“Don’t freak out,” Louis calms him down. “It just might be something related to his medical history. No offense, but you’ve known him for literally one year.” He pauses. “So his family is coming.” It’s not a question, and Zayn groans.

“I’m ready to bet on my own life they’re gonna say I’m an ill omen.” Louis smiles and knocks their shoulders together, but Harry knows how much his family dislikes Zayn. He’s not sure if he wants them here or not.

Harry sits next to them as Zayn leans his head onto Louis’ shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment. The loud click of heels on the floor catches their attention, and although Zayn opens his eyes, he doesn’t move much. Harry on the other hand, stands as he sees Gemma approaching. She’s out of breath with wide eyes, hair pulled in a ponytail meaning that the phone call startled her completely. He sees his mother approaching too, face similar to Gemma, by her side is his best friend Niall.

“What did you do to him?” Gemma glares at Zayn.

“Nice to see you too,” Louis replies instead, and Gemma narrows her eyes at him. He knows that it’s the first time she sees Louis, and he knows what she’s already thinking about him, but she turns to Zayn again instead.

“Where’s he?” Zayn leans away from Louis and takes a deep breath.

“Isn’t there a doctor here we can talk to?” Niall asks from behind her, glancing at Zayn and Louis.

“I swear to god-”

“Mrs. Twist?” A voice startles Gemma, and she turns around from glaring at Zayn. He can see the worry and fear in his mother’s eyes as she looks at Liam although he has a reassuring smile on his face. “I’m Dr. Payne, the one who attended to your son on his arrival to the hospital and the one currently supervising his condition.”

“Where’s my boy?” Anne asks quietly.

“He’s currently resting in his room, but I need to have a small talk with you first.”

“Of course,” she nods. “Will we be able to see him?”

“It is best not to at the moment-”

“Dr. Payne,” Niall cuts him off. “We’ve been called late, a full day after the patient entered the hospital, to be aware that his condition is critical. The mother is simply asking to see her son. As a lawyer, I’d advise you to let her see him right now since no operation is being processed, unless you have a case of medical malpractice, I see no harm in a moment with the patient.”

Liam opens his mouth and closes it, and Harry is grateful to have Niall as a friend as Liam points with a hand at his room. “Then please let it be quick as there are more important things we need to discuss before his condition worsens. I’d also like to request that not all of you get inside. Just the mother like you mentioned.”

Gemma stays with Niall as Anne enters quietly with a thanks, Zayn frowns and crosses his arms over his chest, mumbling to Louis that he should have been able to see him as well. Harry follows Anne, although she doesn’t get to be that close to him. He hears her shaky breath in the quiet room, and he knows that she’s fighting the tears in her eyes. If she is to cry, Gemma would too. She would be more worried than she is right now. She takes a deep breath to calm herself before she exits the room again. Liam sits them down afterwards to let them know of his condition, and Harry stands there, keeps walking around all of them to hear the details.

“When Harry arrived, we did a CT scan and found that he has a Brain Aneurysm. When I talked to Zayn, he confirmed that the symptoms weren’t clear. Was anyone in the family diagnosed with a similar condition?”

Harry looks at each of them until his gaze stops at his mother. She gulps before speaking up. “His father.”

Liam nods slowly, Gemma and Zayn turn to look at her. “We had to operate on him as soon as he arrived, but his body responded negatively to the general anesthesia so we had to stop. We managed to stop any bleeding, and we’re ready to operate on him once his condition is stable once more.”

“And when will that be?” Gemma asks.

“It might not take more than a couple of days hopefully,” Liam replies. “If there’s anything more you would like to know, you can contact me directly,” he hands them his card, “and if there’s anything new in his condition you’ll be the first to know.” He excuses himself afterwards, and he hears Gemma asking Niall to get Anne home while she stays. Louis pulls Zayn away and tells him that he needs to get home and get showered. Knowing that he can’t stay with Gemma, and that he’s been here for two days, he agrees to go with Louis.

Anne doesn’t leave, deciding to stay with Gemma instead, and Niall promises he’ll come back to check on them later. Harry spends the rest of his day watching his family being worried over him.

////

**Friday, 7:30 pm. 17 th February, 2017**

The crowd is bigger than he had anticipated tonight, but it’s a fun night as Niall calls it. Another project completed, and it’s a good reason enough to celebrate although it’s only him and Niall. He’s got a drink in his hand, eyes scanning the dance floor instead of joining as Niall sits next to him sipping on his drink as well. He’s not planning to get drunk tonight, nor he’s looking for a shag, and he’d preferred to stay home tonight without the need to take a pill or two.

The bodies are changing left and right as they dance, but one figure in particular manages to hold his gaze. The lights are always changing with the beat of the song so it’s hard to tell what the person really looks like, but he believes that his hair is a dark shade with the tips colored. Whether it’s pink, green, blue, or white, Harry has no idea. He’s a good dancer though, with no partner tonight obviously from the way he changes the person he dances with. He’s wearing a fitting tank top and skinnies, his cardigan falling off one shoulder and occasionally swept off both shoulders as he dances revealing his small waist. He’s sexy, Harry would give him that, knows how to get what he wants from the way his hands lead the way. He doesn’t seem to mind having Harry watching as well, because he’d look back with hooded lids, and Harry swears it’s on purpose. The song changes to a faster beat, the people around the guy are bouncing, and Harry loses him among the crowd.

Niall announces he’s going to the bathroom, and Harry nods at him, his eyes moving to the dance floor again to try find the sexy guy but he is unsuccessful in his task.

“Could’ve moved to the dance floor instead.” Harry turns his head when someone slumps into the seat next to him. “More fun.” He’s the guy Harry’s been watching, with a confident smirk on his face and a glass in each hand. He offers one to Harry but he declines with a raise of his own drink. “You probably think I’m trying to drug you,” he chuckles, and from a close distance, Harry can see his sharp jaw and high cheekbones. To be completely honest, he doesn’t accept drinks from strangers.

“Don’t want to drink too much,” Harry replies with instead, watching one of the guy’s brow lift. He knows the guy isn’t buying it.

“No drink, no dance. Where’s the fun then? You’re here to drown your sorrows?”

“I’m free to do whatever I want,” Harry shrugs, and he doesn’t mean it to come as an aggressive reply. The guy chuckles again, downing one glass and leaving the other on the table. He stands, and Harry thinks he’ll leave, but he goes to grab Harry’s arm instead.

“C’mon, mate. You’re not gonna keep watching me from your place all night,” he pulls at Harry’s arm, and maybe Harry doesn’t fight the idea too much as he stands. “More fun,” he repeats with a wink, pulling Harry towards the dance floor. He’s yet to know the guy’s name with the big eyes as he moves his hips to the beat, and Harry keeps his eyes there until he hears the guy laughing at him so he looks up. “You’re a horrible dancer.” Harry frowns. “You’re too stiff,” he tells him with a shake of his head.

“I’m not,” Harry denies.

The guy rolls his eyes and turns, taking Harry’s hands and placing them on his hips as he pushes back slightly. He lifts an arm then to reach the back of Harry’s neck to make him lean closer. It’s easier to move with him that way, a little tempted to kiss the exposed skin of the guy’s neck and shoulders, and he might be sporting a semi with the way the guy keeps moving his hips, a hand still at the back of Harry’s neck, and maybe it wasn’t exactly the night he had in mind, but he’s liking it.

A dance or two, and the guy isn’t laughing at him anymore. He’s biting on his lips as he faces Harry, and he seems interested enough to drag him out and away from the dance floor. It’s not the classical club bathroom, but it’s somewhere close, and his hands are on Harry’s bare chest, his shirt opened, trailing down till they reach his belt. He’s backing Harry against the wall, lips certain and in control, tongue already darting in while Harry keeps one of his hands at the side of the guy’s face as the other pull at his hair. The guy pulls back when Harry tilts his head for another kiss, backing himself against the other wall and pulling Harry with him. The lights are clearer now, and he can see the guy’s black hair with green highlights, matching with his hazel eyes. He’s too pretty.

“You don’t look like a guy who would agree to public sex,” the guy speaks up, tone light with a smile. “Not the one to take home either.” And he’s right. Harry wouldn’t take the stranger home. He’s a sexy stranger but still a stranger, and he’s catching on what the guy is hinting at. His fingers are gently at Harry’s chin to bring him back for a kiss as his other hand press on his bulge, and Harry moans into his mouth, pressing his hips forwards when the hand is gone, and apparently, he’s not the only one sporting a semi. His hair is pulled, and he’s looking at the teasing hazel eyes again. “We’re not gonna get off like teenagers.” His eyes trail down. “On your knees.”

Harry blinks at him. “Excuse me?” Why would he be the one on his knees?

“Oh please, it’s not even a favor for a favor,” the guy rolls his eyes, “but I can do an exception.” Harry raises his brows, placing a hand on the wall next to the guy’s head as he steps back a little, but they guy cocks an eyebrow with a smirk, and his embellished face does all sorts of things to Harry. He wants to and not at the same time, and perhaps his pride is the one complaining because if it was a natural flow he’d have gone with it, on his knees, but the way the guy says it makes it different. Despite what he thinks, he takes another step back and falls to his knees, realizing that the place is probably not the perfect one to do this in, but even Niall wouldn’t have told him not to. He’d be looking for him right now if he was worried.

The guy hasn’t told him his name yet, fingers gently pushing Harry’s hair back as he unbuttons the guy’s pants. It’s not like he’d have remembered the name of the person he might have taken home with after one too many drinks with Niall. The guy’s not up for a tease as he gets his dick out, and Harry would normally ask for a condom first since he’s a stranger, but he passes that point and licks at the head before sucking his way to the base. He feels the fingers in his hair tightening, and when he looks up, the plump lips are parted as the hooded eyes look down at him, and he keeps his hold on Harry’s head, moving his hips and guiding Harry wherever he wants him to, quiet moan and grunts leaving his lips as Harry digs his fingers at his thighs. It’s not a bad taste, and the sudden quiet gasps he hears with the shake of his thighs makes Harry want more. He hollows his cheeks as he feels the head at the back of his throat, and he’s about to pull back when the fingers in his hair push at his head, and he almost gags at the sudden shot down his throat. The guy curses a few times before he’s letting go of his head allowing Harry to finally pull away. He coughs and wipes the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand as he stands as the guy tucks himself back.

“Not bad,” he says a bit out of breath. Harry’s shirt is still opened, and the guy pulls at it for another kiss, tasting himself on Harry, and when he pulls back, Harry’s expecting a return of the favor, but the guy winks at him and turns on his heels, and by the time Harry is buttoning his shit back and getting out of the hall, the guy’s gone.

Oh well.

////

**Tuesday, 7:00 am. 20 th February, 2018**

After many tries, Niall manages to convince Anne and Gemma to get back home while he stays instead. Harry watches them leave the floor, watches other people staying for other patients, watches the nurses begin their morning shift. It’s amazing that he feels no need of sleep or hunger, and he was just thinking about seeing what other patients here are doing when he sees Liam again coming into his room. With a frown on his face, he passes the walls to get inside the room, watching his helpless unmoving body lying on the bed. Just like the time before, he pulls something out of his pocket. But Harry is awake now, can see it from all angles, and it’s a syringe, filled with something he doesn’t know. He empties it at the IV tube and places it back inside his pocket.

“Is this helping me or killing me?” He asks, but Liam doesn’t hear him. He doesn’t see him. He’s turning to leave, and Harry follows him outside. Liam throws the empty syringe at one of the trashcans when no one is looking, and it makes Harry narrow his eyes at him. “What are you doing to me?” He sees him smiling at another doctor, saying something that doesn’t reach his ears. His vision becomes blurry a bit, and he blinks his eyes to try to clear it. “What are you doing to me?!” He shouts, feeling his heart aching and his body turning numb. He loses balance and falls to the ground, and when his head hits the floor, he feels the floor. It’s the first time he feels his surroundings, and he doesn’t know what it means.

The darkness returns.

////

**Friday, 11:00 am. 24 th February, 2017**

Niall is late. He said that he only has a few documents to look at, but he hasn’t called, and he’s fifteen minutes late, and Harry knows that Niall is still reviewing those documents. He’s about to pull his phone out and send him a text saying to meet him already at his house, but a figure is making his way towards him, quick steps on the way, and Harry squints his eyes to see if it’s Niall. He’s got a backpack on his shoulder and a darker shade of hair, and Harry raises his brows once the figure is closer. Wide eyes stares back and he stops, and to be honest, Harry didn’t expect him to stop.

“You’ve got nerve.”

“In my defense, I was drunk,” the guy holds a finger up. “And I tend to be a bit … reckless.”

“Oh. So you do remember,” Harry crosses his arms over his chest, watching the guy’s eyes roll. They’re amber in the daylight, still as beautiful as they were under the dim lights.

“I had five shots of tequila and it wasn’t a very smart idea. Going to class with a hangover was the worst experience in my life,” the guy winces before he’s looking at him. “And I’m very, _very_ sorry,” he apologizes slowly, and his phone rings in his pocket. He pulls it up quickly, cursing under his breath before looking at Harry again. “This had been a very awkward conversation with the guy I had ten percent chance of meeting again, but if I missed this class I’ll be doomed, so …” He’s already walking backwards and around Harry to carry on his way. “Nice meeting you?”

“You’re a student?” Harry furrows his brows.

“I am,” he confirms, pocketing his phone again. “And I apologize again!” He shouts as he continues to walk away, and Harry didn’t even get to know his name. His own phone rings and he sees Niall’s name flashing on the screen. With a sigh, he slides the answer button. Might check a nearby café instead of going home.

////

**Tuesday, 8:45 am. 20 th February, 2018**

His vision is starting to clear as he blinks his eyes open, and he feels his body heavy as he sits up. He’s still on the floor where he blacked out last time, and he picks himself up to stand, reaching with his hand to support his weight on the floor and he freezes. He’s feeling the floor. Actually feeling it, like a real thing. He looks at his hand, able to slide across the tiles, and he doesn’t think it’s a good sign. It’s like he’s merging with the world in this state, like he’s becoming an adaptable ghost, like he’s one step closer to death. The thought makes him shudder, and he is quick to stand on his feet to go back to his room to see how his lifeless body is doing.

When he tries to go through the wall this time to get inside the room, he’s successful in it, and he pauses for a moment, not understanding how this whole thing works, but he’s distracted by the image of his family standing by the bed. The monitors are still working, he’s still breathing apparently, but he’s still here while his body is lying there, and he needs to try to get back to it. Maybe if he laid down in the same position it’ll work.

“A ruptured brain aneurysm can be life-threatening and can lead to a coma,” Liam explains to his family.

“What does this mean?” Anne asks, and when Harry turns to her, now sat on the bed, on his body, and he’s not feeling it like everything else, she has wide red eyes and he knows she spent the night crying instead of sleeping.

Liam looks at his body for a moment before he’s turning to his family again. “It means that we cannot operate on him anymore.”

The room is quiet for a long moment before Gemma repeats her mother’s words. “What does this mean?”

“It means that we have no other option but to wait for him to wake up,” Liam replies slowly. Harry furrows his brows and turns to him, his quiet posture and calm tone, and he shakes his head.

“You did this to me.” Liam excuse himself quietly as his family remains inside the room, and Harry gets on his feet again and shouts after Liam. “Hey, you!” He passes through the wall again, angry and helpless, trying to hit anything he can reach or grab at but he can’t, and he stops in front of Liam glaring at him even though the latter can’t see him. A quick smile appears on his face as he looks at Harry’s direction before it’s replaced by a neutral expression, and he turns to see Zayn, alone this time, looking fresh but tired. Louis must be very busy to leave him coming here on his own.

Zayn is calm when Liam approaches him, still unaware of everything, but it’s clear that he can’t smile back at Liam. “Harry’s family is inside with him at the moment,” he informs him, watching Zayn’s eyes glance quickly at his room. “Can I have a word with you inside my office?” He asks, and Zayn takes a moment in his reply that he quickly adds, “it’s about Harry’s condition.” Zayn nods then and follows him to his office, Harry trailing behind them. He takes a seat across from Zayn, and it’s not that he feels if it’s comfortable or not. He just feels something is there. Liam takes a deep breath, his hands held together on his desk, and Harry narrows his eyes at him. “You don’t look very comfortable.”

“You asked to see me alone in your office away from Harry’s family. I’m not sure if the news you carry should comfort me.”

Liam nods slowly and looks at the papers on his desk. “Do you know what a brain aneurysm is?” Zayn blinks and furrows his brows, and it’s clear that he hasn’t even googled it. Liam taps on the desk quietly before he looks up at Zayn again. “Think of a weak spot in a balloon and how it feels stretched out and thin. A brain aneurysm is like that. It’s a weak spot in the wall of a blood vessel inside the brain,” he explains. “That area of the blood vessel gets worn out from constant flow of blood and bulges out, almost like a bubble. It can grow to the size of a small berry. Aneurysms tend to form at the fork of blood vessels, places where they branch off, because those sections tend to be weaker. They are most commonly found in the base of the brain. In rare cases, aneurysms can grow big, leak, or explode. Bleeding in the brain, known as hemorrhagic stroke, is a very serious condition and can lead to a cerebral vasospasm, hydrocephalus, permanent brain damage, or a coma,” he pauses. “In Harry’s condition … it has led to a coma.”

“A coma?” Zayn repeats slowly.

“It can last a week, a month, a year,” Liam shrugs, “or even more than that.”

“More?” Zayn repeats. “You’re telling me that my husband might never wake up?”

“Might,” Liam replies. “Everything is a possibility so far.” Zayn pushes his hair backwards and turns his gaze away. “His family has been informed as well with his current condition. I’ve just seen that you feel discomfort around them, so I thought to talk to you here.” Zayn looks at him again.

“Can you tell when he’s waking up?” Zayn asks quietly.

“Unfortunately, no,” Liam replies. “But you’ll be informed with any changes that happens to his condition.”

“Can I at least see him?”

“Other patients require a quiet environment, and I’m afraid that whatever conversation you shall have with them wouldn’t be quiet.” Zayn sighs and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry, but it’ll be arranged soon.” Zayn nods and opens his eyes again, and for a second, Harry thinks that Zayn is looking at him, only that he isn’t. Nobody can. He can see and hear everything, but he’s all alone in his ghost state. He stays there until Zayn leaves.

////

**Thursday, 2:05 pm. 2 nd March, 2017**

Niall’s late again, but at least he texted this time saying that he would. The small café they sat at the last time has been comfortable enough that Harry decided to visit for a second time. He makes his order as he waits knowing that Niall would take another hour at least to reach the café. He’s not exactly sitting near the door, but he can see when someone comes in, and the quiet ring makes his eyes look up automatically. He’s about to take a sip of his cup, but he stops, his eyes met with another familiar ones. The city is so big yet here he is, meeting with someone again and again he never thought about seeing for a second time. He’s not expecting the chuckle as the person approaches, his backpack falling first into the seat before his body.

“This should stop being a coincidence,” Zayn continues to chuckle. “Hi.”

Harry puts his mug down. “Hi,” he shrugs with it.

“I wouldn’t say you come here very often.”

“I don’t,” Harry confirms.

“Would have seen you before,” Zayn points out. “This is not very close to the campus, but it’s such a quiet place to chill at. I’d come here most of the times to study,” Zayn starts an easy conversation, and Harry raises his brows at him. Zayn isn’t a jerk apparently, and Harry would admit, Zayn outside the club looks softer, friendlier, the kind people would like from the first time. “You live nearby?” Zayn asks with a tilt of his head, hand reaching for a chip.

“Not really,” Harry replies.

“You’re staying for a while?” Zayn stands up but looks at him expectedly. He doesn’t reach for his backpack either.

“I am.”

“Great!” Zayn smiles and turns, and Harry watches him walk towards the counter to make an order. Harry shakes his head and reaches for his mug again with a smile. The door rings again, and when he looks up this time, it’s still not Niall, and when he follows the person with his gaze, he reaches Zayn, casually throwing his arms over his shoulders from behind, and although Harry can’t see his face, mostly hidden by Zayn’s hair, he’s sure he’s talking because Zayn is nodding and replying to him. He has a feathery brown hair, same height as Zayn. They take their order, and the guy follows Zayn until they reach his table again. Zayn smiles at him. “This is my best friend, Louis,” he turns to Louis, “Lou, this is Harry.”

Louis blinks at him then his eyes widen. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re the hot guy from the club?!” Louis asks instead, and Zayn blushes visibly, clearing his throat and pushing Louis to take a seat. Louis then grins and nods at him before turning to Zayn. “I see your point.”

Zayn clears his throat again, and Harry thinks it’s adorable that Zayn isn’t looking at him directly now, the blush still present on his face. “I … might have said a thing or two about that night.”

“Well, if this ain’t fate,” Louis glances between the two.

Before Harry gets to reply, his phone vibrates on the table, and he slides it towards him, seeing it’s a text from Niall.

  * _We need to revise some papers. The café won’t be the best place to do so. Heading home._



“I need to go,” Harry announces, already standing up.

“Oh … I hope we didn’t bother you …” Zayn looks at him again, eyes big and hesitant, and it’s so different from the looks he gave him inside the club. Louis looks ready to apologize as well, grin gone from his face.

“It has nothing to do with you, I just need to take care of something.”

Zayn bites at his bottom lip, and Harry is almost reaching the door when Zayn’s voice stops him and he turns. “Can I at least have your number?” The blush is back, and Harry still thinks it’s cute. “I mean … since we’re already meeting for a third time by coincidence, might make a fourth time scheduled?” The little swing in Zayn’s posture makes him smile, so he nods at him.

“Alright.” Zayn hands him his phone and he types his number. “Hope I’ll get the favor back this time.” He gives Zayn’s phone back, watching the blush taking a darker shade of red over Zayn’s skin as the latter keeps staring at his phone screen instead. Zayn’s cute.

////

**Thursday, 3:15 am. 22 nd February, 2018**

The patients inside the hospital keeps him busy. When he can’t sit inside his room watching his family cry over his motionless body anymore, he wanders around the hospital, sees people dying and living and fighting their way through different operations. He’s at the reception when he sees Niall walking his family out, trying to get them to eat or change their clothes. He doesn’t sleep, but feels this pain inside his chest every now and then. It gets sharper this time, and he makes his way to his room slowly. He sees Liam again, but he’s just standing there leaning on the closed door. He’s watching the monitor, and Harry furrows his brows, not sure if Liam did something to him this time. He obviously did, waiting until his family is gone confirms his suspicions. He has his phone out, and Harry steps closer to him to see who he’s dialing. Zayn’s name is on the screen and he picks up after not too many rings.

 _“Something’s up?”_ He sounds out of breath, worried maybe, and Harry guesses he’s just woken up. If he knows Zayn well, he’d say that he didn’t even sleep that many hours.

“Thought you might want to see your husband. His family is gone,” Liam replies quietly, and Harry takes a step away to look at him. _Is that all?_

 _“I’m on my way.”_ Zayn hangs up, and he can already imagine him rushing to get his keys as he laces up his shoes, putting another layer of clothes maybe if he isn’t wearing that much. Liam stares at his body and sighs, leaving the room after a couple of minutes. He takes a seat outside his room as he waits for Zayn.

Zayn is in a random outfit when he arrives, eyes wide and short breaths. Liam stands before Zayn can get to his room, but the latter doesn’t wait, taking a deep breath when he reaches for the handle before opening the door slowly. Harry watches his face, how his wide eyes shift slowly from the monitors to his body. He sniffs as he comes to a stop next to his bed, a hand carefully reaching to gently stroke Harry’s hand. He wishes he can feel it, but he can’t.

“Any progress?” Zayn asks quietly, eyes moving on Harry’s face.

“There’s a shift in his condition,” Liam replies, and Zayn whips his head to look at him. When Harry does as well, Liam’s face isn’t as comforting as it should be, and it only means one thing. “Harry’s not in a coma anymore.” Zayn’s lips part, his eyes getting bigger, and he’s about to speak when Liam cuts him off.

“Have you ever heard about clinical death?”

////

**Saturday, 6:15 pm. 11 th March, 2017**

Zayn texts him first, asking him out, and he uses enough emoji for the both of them. He’s not always free due to his studies and neither is Harry, so he gets the privilege of hearing Zayn’s sleepy voice. A bit raspy that makes Harry’s mind go places.

The spring has arrived, and Zayn appears in a light white shirt that reaches his knuckles. His hair no longer has the green highlights so it’s shorter now, all black soft hair that Harry loves. It’s one of those rare occasions that he sees Zayn without his regular backpack, and one that they don’t meet in their café.

Zayn has picked a dinner cruise, which is lovely and quiet and seems to be more expensive than a college student can pay. He’s learned by now that Zayn has picked and dropped many jobs and is currently seeking something new that goes with his field of study and provide a stable income as well. He doesn’t ask though, isn’t interested in what Harry doesn’t offer, and Harry thinks he’s too open, but is falling with the reality and softness of it more than he thought he would. He’s determined to pay for his part if Zayn didn’t object too much.

When Zayn’s phone vibrates and he blushes as he checks it, he knows it’s Louis asking about how the date is going, and it makes him chuckle. Louis sounds like a good friend.

“I’m pretty surprised he didn’t show up with sunglasses and a hat in the table next to us.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Zayn replies with a roll of his eyes.

“What nickname did he give me this time?” Harry nods at Zayn’s phone, watching the blush covering his face again.

“I might have been drunk but I can still remember you on your knees. You were hot, and I’ve blabbered about it for a while, and can’t you just let this die already?” Zayn sinks in his seat as he grabs for his drink, eyes focused on it. “It’s embarrassing,” he mumbles against the rim of his glass.

“It’s cute,” Harry replies. “How you blush every time it’s mentioned. It’s cute.” Zayn looks up to glare at him, but it’s barely a glare with his pout behind the glass. The red wine taints his lips, making them kissable, and it takes him back to that night where Harry can almost feel it on his tongue. “Can I kiss you again?”

Zayn pretends to think about it. Hums and narrows his eyes as he looks up with a finger at his chin. “I dunno. This date cost me a lot, so I’m willing to charge you for anything more.”

“And how much I’ll pay?” Harry stands and pulls his chair to sit next to Zayn.

“Ten grand,” Zayn replies as he turns to look at him. He’s joking, and Harry knows he’s joking, but he’s actually willing to spend that money right now as he leans in for a kiss. It’s not rushed or dirty like the one in the club, and he feels Zayn’s lips moving against his own slowly. When he pulls back, it’s Zayn who pulls at his lapels to bring him in for another kiss, and Harry smiles at it. “I might think about a discount.”

////

**Thursday, 4:00 am. 22 nd February, 2018**

_Is he dead now? Was he dead before? Is it why he’s a ghost stuck between life and death?_

He’s not sure if his face is pale now. There’s no mirror that can show him his reflection, but he can see Zayn’s face, a mix of shock and confusion ever since Liam said those words. He hasn’t said anything yet, frozen to his place until Liam had to physically hold him and pull him to sit down on one of the chairs they keep inside his room while he sits across from him.

“When a severe damage happens to the brain, a complete loss of brain function occurs, including involuntary activity necessary to sustain life. It’s called a brain death. Every other organ in his body isn’t functioning without the help of life support equipment,” Liam explains quietly.

“But they’re functioning?” Zayn asks shakily.

“It’s an irreversible state, Zayn. Whether he lives on the equipment or not …” he pauses for a moment. “There’s no waking up from this.” Zayn parts his lips to reply, but nothing comes out, and Harry can already see it in his eyes, how he’s a second away from breaking apart. He’s not sure when exactly had he accepted that the state he’s at right now is his forever. “I understand you need some time to make a decision-”

“A decision?” Zayn repeats.

Liam takes a deep breath. “To either keep him connected to life support equipment … or to leave him to rest once and for all.” Zayn blinks at him, eyes wide and moving quickly across his face, waiting for the line that tells him something different, something that gives him hope maybe. Harry just sinks to the floor next to his bed, wishing he’d never woken up in a ghost state. When Zayn doesn’t say anything more, Liam squeezes his shoulders and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“Can I be alone?” Zayn asks after a long while. “Please?” He looks up at Liam.

“Of course,” Liam nods and pats his knee before he leaves.

Zayn gets up and drags his chair until it’s next to the bed and stares at his body. Harry doesn’t move from his place. Zayn crosses his arms over the bed and puts his head between them as Harry pulls his knees closer and does the same. He hears Zayn’s phone ringing multiple times with no answer, but as much as Zayn needs his time, he too feels like he needs it.

They both need to accept it.

////

**Sunday, 10:05 am. 1 st October, 2017**

It’s very early for Zayn to wake up, and it’s a good thing that Louis gave him his spare key to not bother with grumpy Zayn. The flat he shares with Louis is a bit messy, and Zayn would tell him it’s because there’s a day for clean up, and that day hasn’t arrived yet. It doesn’t smell, and as long as it doesn’t smell, he’ll keep it that way, Harry is just sure of it. There’s a backpack on the couch, the one that Zayn brings along in most of their meetings where more than once Zayn had shushed him and told him that he needs to study, but he also wants to stay close to him, so he brings a book or two with his notebook and pens and opens them as he rests his head on Harry’s shoulder or lap, usually in the café. He’s asleep now, face half buried in the pillows and body half covered with the blanket. Harry smiles when he sits on the bed, brushing his hair away from his face, which has gotten longer now. Zayn had told him the night before that he plans to shave all of it then dye it blonde. He presses a kiss to his temple before he’s waking him up.

Zayn groans and leans away, but he’s opening his eyes, which is a good thing. It makes him know that he’s awake now. He grabs at his notebook and goes to put it into his backpack before zipping it closed then he grabs at the clean sweatshirt for Zayn to wear.

“C’mon. You have so little study to do today, and I’m not wasting it.” He places his hands on his hips as he turns to Zayn, brows furrowed and lips pouted as he stares back.

“What?” He croaks out.

“Since we’re always hanging in a café, I decided to take you to mine this time. Who knows? You might like to stay there more often.”

Zayn blinks at him and groans again. “You woke me up for this?”

Harry sighs and reaches to pull the covers off him completely. “C’mon,” he repeats.

Zayn groans again, but he sits up this time and rolls out of bed to get a shower and be decent enough while Harry waits on his bed. The apartment he shares with Louis is on the second floor, and they don’t have to wait for the elevator as they get down the stairs instead. Zayn walks past his car and stops in confusion when Harry unlocks it.

“We’re not walking there. It’s a bit far,” Harry informs him.

Zayn squints his eyes at the car. “Did you steal anything?”

“No, it’s mine.” Zayn cocks an eyebrow but gets in nonetheless. Harry is yet to tell him what he does for a living.

The ride doesn’t take long, and when he stops in front of his house, Zayn doesn’t get out of the car, squinting at the house. “And you’re sure that you live here?”

“Yes,” Harry smiles as he gets out. Zayn reaches for his backpack slowly as he gets out as well.

“Seriously,” Zayn turns to him. “Just tell me who did you kill and I’ll cover for you.”

Harry laughs and pulls at Zayn’s arm to get them inside. But instead of squinting at the inside of the house, Zayn’s eyes go wide. “You have never asked me what I do for a living.”

Zayn shrugs as he approaches a painting hanged on the wall. “You’re doing something illegal, that’s for sure.”

Harry laughs again. “My family owns their own business. My mom and my sister run their own corporation, and I would have been working with them too but I favored to do my own thing, you know? With their help of course.”

“Shit,” Zayn turns to him with a frown. “And you made me pay for two dinners in a row? How rude, millionaire.” Zayn’s tone isn’t harsh, and it makes Harry smile. Zayn turns to the painting again and Harry walks towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind.

“Sometimes, I really wonder if you care that much that it doesn’t matter to you what I do or you don’t care at all.”

“Should I take this as an insult?” Zayn turns to him with raised brows.

Harry smiles and kisses the side of his face. “I love you.”

“You better,” Zayn turns to the painting again. “Cause I like your house and I’ll be staying for a while. Is this original? It looks original.”

“It is,” Harry confirms, kissing his neck next. Zayn sort of squirms in his arms and giggles.

“Fuck off, Styles. I’d rather stare at this gorgeous piece of art than having sex with you.”

“I’m wounded,” Harry pulls back with a pout. “There’s a lot of these actually upstairs. My mom loves them so much. You should totally meet her. She’ll like you,” he smiles as Zayn turns in his arms.

“Of course she’ll like me,” Zayn replies. “Now let me see the rest of those paintings.” Harry’s smile widens at the spark Zayn has in his eyes, and he might favor seeing Zayn gush about the paintings he has in his house on doing anything else. Zayn would have made an amazing art major, and he is yet to know why he didn’t choose to. There was a gap between finishing high school and applying for university that Harry knows nothing about.

////

**Thursday, 7:10 pm. 22 nd February, 2018**

Louis was the one calling, and apparently, when he got no answer from Zayn, he decided to go to the hospital. It’s still strange to Harry’s ears how Zayn informs Louis with his current condition, how he teared up as Louis held him, and how Harry couldn’t bear it anymore.

He hasn’t left the hospital before. The door was his last stop where he’d see ambulances come and go. Tonight, he joins Louis and Zayn in the car until they reach their apartment. Louis leaves Zayn on the couch the entire day. And for that matter, Harry too. He hasn’t heard Zayn speaking a single word ever since. When Louis comes back, he slumps next to him on the couch. By now, Zayn’s tears had dried up.

“He just had a headache, Lou,” Zayn finally speaks up as he turns to his best friend. “Everyone has that.”

“It’s just what you see,” Louis replies, making Zayn frown at him. “A brain aneurysm doesn’t show up in one day. You heard his mom, his father had it and …” he trails off, and Harry doesn’t want to hear this word again. He’s pretty sure Zayn isn’t ready to hear it again either. “I’m just saying … You didn’t know.”

“I was living with him!” Zayn protest. “You think I wouldn’t have noticed?!”

“I’m saying that he didn’t want you to notice,” Louis replies quietly.

“What?” Zayn asks after a beat and Louis takes a deep breath.

“If he told you on your first date that he’s dying would you have agreed to go to a second date?” Louis asks. “Would you have loved him the same? Would you have stayed with him? Would you have said yes?”

Harry wants to hear the answer, but the question hangs in the air with Zayn’s silent. Louis is his best friend, he might know what the silence means. Harry on the other hand has no clue. He’s wishing the answer in his mind matches with Zayn’s though.

He wishes he can ask Zayn himself.

He wishes he _could have_ asked Zayn himself.

////

**Sunday, 11:30 pm. 1 st October, 2017**

“Harry … Harry …”

Harry flutters his eyes open, waiting a beat for his vision to adjust. It’s dark, but he can make Zayn’s face in front of him, the weight over his own body is lighter, and he registers that Zayn isn’t on top of him anymore.

“Are you having a nightmare?”

“What?” Harry furrows his brows. “No?”

“Trouble breathing?”

Harry blinks at him, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. “No.” There’s a pause before Zayn speaks up again. Harry doesn’t know why Zayn is waking him up to ask him all of these questions.

“You were snoring really loud.” And … _Oh_.

“I … yeah,” Harry replies slowly. “There are other rooms. If it bothers you I can …” he trails off as he sits up. “Spend the night there.”

Zayn sighs, and he feels his arm being pulled, so he falls back onto the bed. “Don’t be stupid. I was just worried.” Zayn pulls at him again until they’re facing each other on the bed, and Harry feels Zayn’s hands in his hair and his lips on the top of his head as he cuddles closer to him. “Comfortable?” Harry pauses for a second before he’s sighing and relaxing into Zayn’s hold again. He reaches with his own arm to wrap it around Zayn's body.

“Very.”

////

**Friday, 9:20 pm. 23 rd February, 2018**

Zayn left the house a few hours ago. He followed him here, streets filled with people passing through him and voices that sounds farther than they’re supposed to be. The air is something he still can’t feel though. It doesn’t matter if it’s cold or warm. His hair doesn’t flow with it anymore. There’s a distant look on Zayn’s face, he hasn’t uttered a word since that talk with Louis, and maybe it’s why Harry followed him out instead of going back to his hospital room, or maybe Harry doesn’t wish to see his lifeless body anymore.

“Zayn?” Harry turns first towards the voice, an immediate glare on his face when he sees a familiar pair of brown eyes.

“What’re you doing here?” Zayn asks with a confused expression.

Liam chuckles. “I have a fixed-hour shift. It just happened that I was there when Harry was brought in, but there are many other qualified doctors that have a night shift and can cover for anything that might happen and … well … it’s not like I’m needed there anymore …” He trails off, lips pressed together, and it gets a blink from Zayn with a small nod.

“Yeah, I …” Zayn looks around him.

“You need a drive home?” Liam asks when Zayn doesn’t finish his sentence, and Zayn returns his gaze to him.

Zayn sighs heavily and nods again. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Liam smiles, and Harry follows them until they reach his car, and since he can’t possibly fall, he sits on the hood to look at them with his brows furrowed. Zayn leans his head on the window as Liam plugs in his phone into the AUX port and soft music starts playing. At some point, Harry thinks that Zayn isn’t really paying attention to his surroundings until he sees him frowning and turning to Liam.

“Where are you taking me?”

“A place you’d like,” Liam smiles at him, but it doesn’t make Zayn’s frown go away. “You seem a bit out of it. Thought you’d enjoy some fresh air.” He speeds up and opens the windows, and Harry turns to see what he means. He’s turning into the highway, a bit empty by this hour, and Zayn turns to the window, staring at the sky for a moment before he’s relaxing back on his seat.

Liam doesn’t talk after that, just turns the music louder and keeps his speed until midnight.

////

**Saturday, 10:33 pm. 24 th February, 2018**

He’s back at the hospital, sitting cross legged on the bed as Zayn keeps standing by the door. His family is taking a break. Probably for food. He hadn’t exactly heard what Niall whispered to his mom and Gemma. Liam might have called Zayn, or the latter might have been nearby, but he’s here now, taking in deep breaths as he stares at the body on the bed. He walks slowly and stands next to the bed, and Harry won’t turn to see the mask on his face or the tube going down his throat to help him breathe. He won’t turn to see how his chest is barely rising and falling anymore. The monitors show that his body is still functioning though, but the beeps annoy him more than comfort him. Zayn reaches to tuck a loose hair behind Harry’s ear, and he wonders if they plan to cut it to stop annoying them. Does it even grow anymore? Does Harry really care if they shave it off completely?

_No._

Zayn trails his hand gently over his arm until he reaches his hand, and Harry tries to fit his own hand instead when Zayn strokes his skin but he can’t touch Zayn. He can’t feel his touch. During his attempts, the door opens.

“Zayn?” He looks up to see Liam again. “You didn’t tell me you’re coming.” He closes the door behind him quietly.

“Yeah, I just …” Zayn doesn’t let go of his hand.

“Did you reach a decision?” This time, Zayn’s fingers stop, and Harry shifts his gaze on Zayn. _Did he make a decision?_

“Does his family know?” Zayn asks instead.

“Do you want them to know?” Zayn turns to him with a frown.

“They’re his family.”

“I understand,” Liam nods at him. “And I would have informed them if I didn’t see the tension between you.” Zayn sighs and turns to Harry again. “And since you’re the husband, you have the right to make a decision. They might affect it.”

“Affect it?” Zayn repeats.

“But they’ll know eventually,” Liam finishes his sentence.

Harry narrows his eyes at him as Zayn turns to his body again. “Well, it’s not like we’re running out of time,” he barely says it above a whisper, but Harry hears it, and he’s sure Liam does too. It’s clear in his face expression as he steps closer to Zayn.

“I understand if you need more time. But would you at least look at the documents regarding the donation?”

“Donation?” Zayn turns to him with a frown once more.

“Organ donation.”

Harry closes his eyes and lies on the bed. _Organ donation_. The last step where his body won’t be functioning anymore. When he opens his eyes again, Zayn is slowly turning to face him, eyes looking everywhere on his body in fast movements. When Zayn’s eyes stop on his face, his eyes are narrowing a bit as he gets closer all of the sudden.

“Did you see that?!”

“See what?” Liam furrows his brows.

“His eyes moved!”

“Zayn-”

“It’s not-” Zayn bites at his bottom lip as he takes a deep breath before he’s turning to Liam. “I know they’re closed, but it’s-”

“Zayn!” Liam raises his voice slightly to cut him off. “It’s impossible,” he quietens down again with a hand on Zayn’s shoulder, but Zayn shakes his head, eyes searching Harry’s face again, and Harry can already see how desperate he looks. Unintentionally, trying to calm him down like he always did, his fingers close on Zayn’s, but this time, he actually feels it, and Zayn must’ve felt it too, because he’s immediately looking down.

“His hand-”

“Zayn,” Liam tries again, and Zayn turns to him.

“I swear it closed on mine!”

Liam stares at him and sighs. “Alright.” Zayn blinks at him. “I need to get you out of here,” he goes to grab at Zayn’s hands, and Harry doesn’t want him to, sitting up again and trying to repeat whatever he did. He fails, and Zayn is stepping away from him, that desperate look in his eyes remains as he turns to the bed. He’s mumbling words, but Liam is already getting him out of the room.

////

**Saturday, 10:55 pm. 24 th February, 2018**

“Look, I understand how you feel, but having reflexes is literally impossible.”

“I know what I saw and felt,” Zayn lifts his head to look at Liam. They’re back in his office, and Harry wouldn’t have left him go alone. Something is fishy, and Zayn is feeling it, and he wants to do it again. Only that he doesn’t know how he did it the first time.

“How many hours of sleep have you been getting lately?” Zayn shakes his head and looks away, and Harry knows the answer already. “You’re trying to force your brain to work with no proper sleep and your feelings are getting in the way to give you false hope. I know you’re passing through a rough time-”

“You don’t know shit,” Zayn cuts him off. “You’re a doctor,” he turns to him again. “It’s what you say to each of us.” Liam stares at him, but Zayn really seems too tired. His tone is off, his voice is quiet, and when he goes to rub at his temples and closes his eyes, Liam opens a drawer and pulls a bottle of pills out of it. He stands to pour a glass of water and he slides it towards Zayn who opens his eyes and stares at the wooden desk his elbows are resting on.

“I don’t want you to reach past the point of hallucinating.”

“I wasn’t hallucinating,” Zayn looks up at him.

“It’ll help you,” Liam slides the glass closer to him. Zayn looks at it for a long time before he’s sighing and taking the pill on the desk, gulping the glass afterwards. “C’mon, I’ll drive you home.”

////

**Saturday, 11:18 pm. 24 th February, 2018**

Zayn is opening the front door, and Harry is standing next to him with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at Liam. He’s having a concerning look on his face, but he should leave.

“Do you wanna come in?” Zayn invites Liam in, and Harry turns to him with a gasp.

“You’re not letting him in! This is our house!”

“Sure,” Liam smiles at him, and although Zayn seems only polite, but he’s also tired, and why would he invite Liam in? It doesn’t exactly has anything to do with the looks Harry noticed Liam gives Zayn or anything, but more of what Liam has been doing to him. The guy is just making him uncomfortable in his approach.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“I’m alright.”

“Okay,” Zayn replies, rubbing at his face before sighing and dropping his hands to his sides. “Let me just,” he points behind him, “go to the bathroom real quick.” Liam nods at him and Harry scoffs. He turns and follows Zayn upstairs.

He enters the bathroom, legs a bit unsteady, and he’s holding his head until he reaches the sink and he holds onto the sides. Harry waits, leaning back on the wall with his arms crossed and a frown as Zayn takes a moment and rinses his face. He lifts his face and looks at the mirror, immediately turning with wide eyes, and he’s staring at him, making Harry freeze in his place. _Can Zayn see him now? What did he do to make him see him?_ But Zayn’s blinking, eyes glancing everywhere on the wall and blinking again. He rubs at his eyes and his face, and he’s holding his head again as he sinks slowly to the floor.

“Zayn?” Harry turns to see Liam coming in and he frowns deeper. Why did he come upstairs? “Are you alright?” Zayn looks up again, but he’s staring at the wall instead of Liam, and Harry blinks at him.

_Zayn saw him._

“He was there,” he whispers.

“Who was there?” Zayn turns to Liam this time, and maybe his wide eyes explains everything as Liam crouches down to his level and helps him stand up.

“I’m not hallucinating.”

Liam presses his lips together and nods. “Zayn, I don’t think staying here is a good thing for you.” Zayn blinks slowly at him then back at the wall, but he’s not seeing him anymore, and when Liam pulls him outside the house, he doesn’t fight it.

Harry sits on the hood once more looking at Zayn when Liam gets him inside the car. He doesn’t know where they’re driving, but they’ve passed Louis’ street, and Zayn isn’t paying attention. His eyes are barely staying open, his body looks exhausted, and Harry is worried. Liam parks in front of a building that he doesn’t know, and Zayn doesn’t register they stopped. Liam helps Zayn out of the car, he’s still wearing that worried expression on his face, and Harry follows them inside.

The flat seems to be Liam’s when Harry looks around, and when he turns back to the two, Liam is already dragging Zayn to the bedroom. He lays him down on the bed and Harry frowns when he finds Zayn asleep. He crouches down next to the bed and hears Liam sigh as he stands there for a moment before carefully taking Zayn’s shoes off. He leaves the room, and Harry stays there looking at Zayn. Lifting a finger carefully, he tries to touch his face, but he’s unsuccessful.

Liam returns back to the room and changes into a shirt and shorts before he’s climbing into bed next to Zayn making Harry narrow his eyes at him. He sighs again when he looks at Zayn, gently brushing his hair backwards, then pulling the covers over them.

“Are you serious?!” Harry looks back to Zayn. “He’s not even fully aware he’s here … Zayn, c’mon!” Harry shuts his eyes tightly and reaches blindly with his hands. “Please, please, please …” The tips of his fingers actually touch something, and he snaps his eyes open to see them on Zayn’s arm. He tries to poke him. “Zayn?” He pokes him again. “Zayn, c’mon, wake up.” He sees the flutter of Zayn’s lashes and his brows furrowing. He’s shifting, and Harry smiles until Zayn is turning to face Liam and the smile falls off his face. Liam on the other hand seems content, and he puts an arm around Zayn’s waist. Harry glares at him as he stands up. He can’t believe Liam’s using this to his advantage.

He paces the room multiple times trying to get an item to fall or break or at least move, but nothing happens. Everything he’s read about ghosts before obviously isn’t correct. The pull of his hair doesn’t even hurt, and he doesn’t know if it should add to his frustration or not, but it does, and he groans loudly as he comes to stand next to the bed again to find Liam has drifted to sleep as well. With a deep breath, he leans over Zayn and whispers, “Zayn, please … you need to wake up,” he places his hand on Zayn’s shoulder, and the touch is gone in a second as Zayn shifts again. This time though, Harry can see him opening his eyes. He blinks at Liam and immediately frowns, moving slowly to sit up and look around him. He holds his head for a moment before he’s sliding off the bed, spotting his shoes, grabbing them, then stumbling out of the room, and Harry follows him.

Zayn sits on the couch and ties his shoes, missing the laces a couple of times and trying to focus really hard. It makes Harry worries more. He can’t decide which is best; Zayn staying here with Liam unwillingly and unaware of where he is, or Zayn leaving in his state still unaware of his surroundings? If Harry was a one of the ghosts he used to read about, he’d have scared people away from Zayn. Perhaps moving things out of his way as well. But he isn’t. All he’s capable of doing now is standing in the middle of Liam’s living room staring at Zayn in worry as he puts his head into his hands.

“Zayn?” He looks up to find Liam awake with a frown, and Zayn turns to see him as well, standing up slowly. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” Zayn blinks at him. Liam’s frown deepens as he steps closer but Zayn takes a step back and it’s clear he doesn’t want Liam close in any way, so the latter stops. “You brought me to your home-”

“I couldn’t leave you in that house-”

“You could’ve taken me to Louis’!”

Liam sighs. “I don’t have his number, and I’m pretty sure you couldn’t have been able to tell me his address,” he pauses. “And I wouldn’t have harmed you.”

Zayn shakes his head and points at the couch he was just sitting on. “So you’ve just decided that putting us in the same bed is a brilliant idea.” Liam glances at the couch then back at Zayn.

“You were unstable, I had to put you close-”

“I’m married!” Zayn shouts at him, holding the side of his face afterwards and stepping back.

“Zayn-”

“Stay the hell away from me,” Zayn stumbles again, but manages to unlock the door on his own and getting out.

“I apologize if I cared!” Liam shouts after him, but Harry doesn’t know if Zayn actually hears it or not.

////

**Sunday, 6:02 pm. 25 th February, 2018**

Harry watches Zayn going through every drawer inside his office and looking displeased when he finds nothing after creating a mess of his office. He knows what Zayn is looking for though, and he doesn’t know what his reaction would be if he found what he’s looking for. Thankfully, last night wasn’t as disastrous as he thought it would be. Zayn returned home safely without stumbling over people or fainting in the middle of the street. He’s slept for too long though, and it’s probably a good thing. He’s looking better. Frustrated, but better.

The front door is opened, and he hears the footsteps approaching before Louis appears in the doorway.

“You worried the shit out of me,” he frowns as he looks around the office. “What the hell are you looking for?” Zayn just stands there with his hands on his hips as his brows furrow. Louis sighs and steps closer to him. “What happened?”

“Too many things, Lou,” he sighs and drops his hands, and Harry watches him getting out of the office. Louis picks one of the papers for a second then drops it again on the desk and follows Zayn out of the office. When Harry is out as well, Zayn is heading upstairs.

“Do you have wine upstairs?” Zayn stops and turns to him with a blank expression. “Do I need to be awake for this?” Zayn rolls his eyes and continues to climb the stairs.

Zayn is lying on the bed when he gets to the bedroom, and Louis sits next to him quietly. “If I told you something, would you believe me?”

“Depends,” Louis shrugs.

“I’ve been seeing Harry for a while now,” Zayn stares at Louis when he says it. “I’m not hallucinating,” he continues slowly, and Louis nods at him.

“Alright.”

“I have a theory.”

Louis furrows his brows as Zayn sits up. “Alright,” he repeats slowly.

“You said that Liam had a crush on me back in high school.”

“Has,” Louis corrects, and Zayn pauses for a second.

“He’s drugged me last night.” Louis frowns. “I went to the hospital to see Harry, and after staying for a while I noticed his eyes moving a little, and his fingers moved, Lou. And before you try to say anything, I’ve looked it up, and it’s not something the body does when it’s at this state. I’m not hallucinating. I know what I felt. When I told him so, he gave me a pill, saying it would help me or something. I didn’t feel alright, so Liam drove me home and …” he pauses, “when I tried to wash my face … I saw Harry on the mirror, and he looked displeased.”

“Zayn-”

Zayn holds a hand up, “Liam was up in a moment, and I was already feeling this immense headache, I couldn’t see straight. All I knew I was inside a moving car, and the next thing I see is Liam’s body on the same bed I’m lying on. And I swear to god it was like someone waking me up.”

“Zayn-” Louis tries again.

“It was his voice, Lou!”

“He’s dead!” Louis raises his voice, Zayn falls silent, and Harry stares at the wall in front of him unblinking. “I’m sorry, Zee, but someone had to tell you that,” Louis’ voice quietens. “It’s alright if you feel guilty when you’re around Liam. He’s a nice guy, he cares for you, and you feel like you’re betraying Harry, and it’s completely normal, and if you want my personal opinion, Liam seems like a good company to move on.”

Zayn blinks at him. “He knew about our late night-drives, Lou.”

“He could’ve been passing by, who knows? Our eyes were shut most of the time.”

“It makes him a creep!”

“It means that he cares!” Louis objects. “He’s trying to help you.” Zayn shakes his head, and Louis reaches to hold his face between his hands. “Zayn, I don’t want you to feel trapped forever too.” Zayn stares at him then closes his eyes, and Harry looks at the wall again. Is he still here because he’s not allowing Zayn to move on? If Zayn did. Does this mean that he’ll disappear?

The door opens suddenly, and Harry frowns as he turns to see Niall. He’s angry, he can see it on his face, with a couple of papers in his hand and something he’s holding tightly in the other that Harry can’t see.

“Started to bring in your bitch already?”

“Watch it!” Zayn warns him.

“So you’ve decided that you can just sign away Harry’s death and get everything he has, huh? That was your plan from the start?” Zayn frowns at him, and Harry sees the lighter he has in his other hand as he brings the papers close to the fire. _Did Zayn sign the donation? Is it over?_

“What?”

“See how you’re gonna prove your marriage after this.” Niall drops the papers on the floor as they keep burning, and Harry stands and walks towards him to see what the papers hold. It’s his marriage license along with the certificate, and it appears that Zayn can also see it clearly once he stood up and walked to Niall as well.

“You son of a bitch!”

“Zayn!” Louis holds him back, and Harry can hear him whispering; “you wouldn’t want a scene.”

“You know what’s the best part of being a lawyer?” Niall asks. “Your connections are amazing. They can lots of things for you.”

“Get the hell out of my house,” Zayn talks through gritted teeth.

“Actually,” Niall crosses his arms over his chest. “It’s not your house. And it’s not even Harry’s. Have you ever wondered why he loved staying here so much?” Niall raises his brows, and by now, the papers have burnt out completely, leaving ashes remains on the floor. “Because it belongs to Anne. She bought it for him as a gift after his first success,” he replies. “So that means, you’re the one who should get the hell out of here before we call the cops.” Louis squeezes Zayn’s arm and pulls him back, and Harry stays there as they leave silently. He looks up at Niall even though he can’t see him, and he wishes he could just see his face right now.

“Why would you do that?”

The clicking sound he hears next isn’t unfamiliar, and he knows when Gemma enters the bedroom that his mom is also here, but she probably preferred not to witness this. Gemma picks Zayn’s books first, tearing them apart and throwing them at the floor. She picks the bed sheets and throws them on the floor as well. And he knows how much she’s frustrated when she takes all of Zayn’s clothes and pile them up in a basket. He knows she’ll put all of them in the fireplace if she could. And he stands there hearing her cries and screams until he can’t anymore, so he leaves the house.

Louis and Zayn are inside the car when he gets to them, and he sits in the backseat until they reach Louis’ building. When Zayn shuts down the engine but doesn’t leave, Louis turns to him with a questioning gaze.

“We’ll manage something, alright? He didn’t delete your records. It’ll only take a couple of days to get the papers back.”

“You heard him, Lou. He’s got _connections_ ,” Zayn sighs. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t recorded in the first place,” he mumbles.

“Harry wouldn’t do that to you.”

Zayn turns to him. “Niall manages every little document Harry has. He hates me. He might have kept the papers with him in case he managed to convince Harry that I was not the right person for him.”

Louis closes his eyes for a moment. “We’ll manage it.” Zayn turns his head forwards again. “You’re not coming in?”

“Call me in an hour.”

“What’s on your mind?”

Zayn turns to him. “Just … call me in an hour.”

Louis stares at him for a long moment before he’s sighing and exiting the car. Zayn turns on the engine again, and Harry furrows his brows when he recognizes the road they’re heading to. Zayn takes a deep breath and presses something on his phone before he’s getting out of the car, and Harry is at complete loss. Why would Zayn return here? He follows him until Zayn is standing in front of the door, and he’s ringing the bell.

Zayn puts his hands into his jacket pockets as he waits. The door opens, revealing Liam shirtless with his hair a bit messed up. He’s not having a pleased expression on his face, and Harry frowns as he looks at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“What? I’m not welcomed anymore?”

Liam narrows his eyes at him. “I thought you are married and I should stay the hell away from you,” he pauses. “If there’s anything regarding your husband’s condition, you can go to any other doctor, they’re all capable of helping you.”

“Oh c’mon Liam. Is it that important?” A voice calls from behind Liam, and Harry passes through the door to see a half-naked girl.

“Oh, so you have company,” Zayn notes, and when Harry turns to him, he’s got his head tilted to the side with a look in his eyes that reminds him of the Zayn he met in the club. “This would only take a minute,” he takes his hands out of his pockets and reaches to pull at Liam’s arm to get him out of his flat. Harry just blinks at him when he pushes Liam against the wall and kisses him, hand holding tight still at his arm while the other holds his face. “Make her leave,” he whispers and steps back afterwards, hands in his pockets once more, and Liam stays still for a moment, his breaths coming out a little faster, but he slides back into his apartment with no reply.

Harry blinks at Zayn again as he rests his back on the wall, right where Liam was a second ago, and he can hear the girl objecting and questioning Liam’s behavior before there is shuffling inside the flat, and he sees the girl coming out with her clothes on, mumbling curses under her breath. Zayn doesn’t even wait for Liam to invite him in as he pushes himself off the wall and enters the flat, kicking the door behind him closed.

The couple moments of silence feels like forever as Harry slides down to the floor watching the two, hating the way his mind compares the image of Liam standing in the middle of the living room with his defined abs and biceps in view to his own body lying on the hospital bed looking pale and literally lifeless, and hating how Zayn’s eyes move slowly over Liam’s body even more.

“Has it become harder to face, or is it the fact that once you stepped out of your comfort zone, you found yourself facing a challenge you cannot pass? Cause it seems like you’ve given up. Thought you’d be more of a fighter considering you’ve already waited till now,” Zayn speaks up and meets Liam’s eyes who furrows his brows at him.

“Excuse me?”

“You didn’t even give me enough time,” Zayn starts to move towards Liam, his hands out of his pockets, eyes trailing down to his shirtless body once more. His hands rest slowly over Liam’s abs with his gaze, and his voice becomes quieter when he continues, “You’re hardly thinking of what I’m feeling,” his gaze goes up to meet Liam’s eyes, and Harry can see how his breath comes to a pause. “That’s a selfish desire.” And Liam waits, Zayn’s words finally sinking in at the same time Harry catches up too, but he’s still at loss, still feeling that numbness in his limbs. If there’s nothing left to tie him with this world, would it all come to an end? Would he go through the light?

“You’ve made yourself clear that night,” Liam replies quietly, though he makes no attempt of moving away of removing Zayn’s hands off him.

“I was still weighing my options,” Zayn replies, hands sliding down to Liam’s belt loops, two fingers hooked. “You did so too. Can’t blame me for it,” he nods towards the door, and Liam’s lips press into a thin line.

“You pushed me.”

“And pulled you back.” There’s a small smirk on Zayn’s lips that Harry hates. Liam’s lips part and close on nothing, and Harry knows what Zayn is capable of. He would be doing the same if he was in Liam’s shoes. He wonders if he’s angry or frustrated enough, would he be able to actually break something? A slight knock on the wall would be enough, he guesses.

“What do you want?”

Zayn’s gaze falls to his hands once more, and the smirk is gone. “There’s no hope. I just needed time to process this, so …” He takes a deep breath and looks up at Liam. “I’m ready to sign the papers.” And Harry closes his eyes, places his face into his palms. He can’t do this anymore.

“And you’ve come to my house to say this? Any other doctor could have helped you with that.”

“True. I just felt like … I needed to come here.”

“Why?” Liam presses, taking a step back and folding his arms over his chest so the contact is lost.

“Don’t,” Zayn smiles at him. “It’s not gonna be fun when we go in loops. And trust me, I wouldn’t be a part of it.”

“And you believe that everything goes your way just because you want to?” Liam narrows his eyes at him.

Zayn sighs as he takes the step Liam backed. “I believe that I deserve to take the choices in my own life. I wasn’t going to back down on something that I’ve felt was right back then. But I also don’t feel responsible for someone’s choice who wasn’t brave enough to face me with his feelings when he knew I was available.”

Harry lifts his head in confusion and looks at Zayn. There’s something off in his tone. Challenging and different. It makes him feel like he’s completely another person. He’s not Zayn that he met in the club nor the one he married. It cuts through him like a knife.

Liam’s brows are furrowed when he replies. “You knew?” Zayn simply crosses his arms over his chest as Liam brings his own down to his sides. “And you waited?”

“I had a chance of luxury living that a uni student wouldn’t. I’m not a fool. I’ve taken the shot.”

“Taking it to the last step …” Liam whispers.

“Would everything be between the two of us?” Zayn asks. “Can everything be _just_ between the two of us?” He corrects himself.

“What-”

“I don’t want his family to know.”

“Oh,” Liam replies, eyes darting away from Zayn for a second. “Yeah. It can.”

“What do you need?”

“Well,” Liam exhales, “First we would need a documented proof. Your marriage license-”

“Documents,” Zayn interrupts him and closes his eyes with a bite to his bottom lip. “When?”

“The sooner the better …” he frowns when he notices Zayn’s expression, and Harry just waits, wants to know what Zayn’s reply would be. There’s no other copy of their marriage license that they own, and certainly, he cannot obtain it in one day. Niall wouldn’t let him.

“It’s just that …” Zayn sighs, “His office is a mess,” he looks up at Liam. “Can’t we sign the papers and deliver the documents later?”

Liam furrows his brows in thought before he’s nodding slowly. “I can arrange that.” It makes Harry frown. That’s illegal, right?

“Good,” Zayn nods.

“That’s all?” Liam lifts his brows.

Zayn chuckles and pushes Liam so that he falls onto the couch before he’s straddling him, holding both of Liam’s hands on top of his head with one hand as the other rests on his chest. “No.”

Something flashes in Liam’s eyes, and Harry can tell his body language changing to total submission. “Did he let you do that?” Zayn blinks at him. “You thrive on that.”

“No,” is Zayn’s reply.

“I would.” Zayn blinks at him again and tilts his head to the side. “You wouldn’t know half of the things I would do for you,” he confesses.

Zayn loosens his grip on Liam’s wrists and trails his touch down his arms until he reaches his face, fingers softly brushing Liam’s bottom lip. “And what would you do for me?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?” Zayn questions in a quiet tone as he trails his fingers down Liam’s chest.

“And anything.”

“Like?” Zayn pushes, leaning closer but yet not close enough. Enough to let Liam move to get to him, but the latter does no such thing. Like he’s frozen to the position he’s in, only his eyes following Zayn’s. “I like a man who’s true to his words.”

“I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I wasn’t.”

“The achievements you do are for yourself, Liam.”

Liam shakes his head. “It’s not what I meant.” Zayn leans back. “You took a chance when you could. I did the same.”

“You got me curious.”

Liam shakes his head again, “it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I’ll let you have control,” Zayn bargains, his hand sliding slowly down Liam’s chest, and there’s a pause, a silence where Liam’s breaths stop and he stares at Zayn, and he sees something that Harry can’t. That Harry _couldn’t_ understand. And a thought in Harry’s mind pushes through until it’s all he’s thinking about.

_Maybe he didn’t know._

In a quick move, Liam’s hands move from above his head, and Zayn is the one laying down on the couch, a gasp escaping his mouth before Liam is pushing his hips down and his lips finding their way to Zayn’s neck, his hands greedily moving to find any part of skin they can reach before they’re pushing the fabric away as well.

“When?” Zayn asks, eyes half-closed and breath short, his hand reaching Liam’s hair.

“When you reached the hospital,” Liam mumbles.

“No,” Zayn replies, head moving so Liam can look at him instead. “You waited too long. Couldn’t have thrown yourself in just because you saw me broken in the hospital.”

“No, you’re right. I wouldn’t have,” Liam replies, his hands pausing for a moment as he tilts his head a little to kiss Zayn properly. “But reaching Harry was easier.”

Zayn pulls at Liam’s hair to push him away, eyes narrowed slightly. “What do you mean?”

Liam rolls his eyes. “You went for the guy because he had money, Zayn.” Harry sighs and closes his eyes as Zayn remains silent. “I got you his money.” Harry opens his eyes again with a frown.

“Harry’s not-”

“He needed a little push.”

Zayn blinks at him, lips parted, and Liam’s hands reach for his jeans when he doesn’t reply. “Don’t you care about the consequences?”

“No,” Liam simply replies, “and neither should you.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m _married_ to him.”

Liam pauses, his lips thin as he looks up at Zayn. “ _Were_ ,” he corrects. “He’s no longer there.”

“You had it sorted out so fast, I’m actually impressed.”

“Told you I would do anything for you.”

“To go for someone’s life was beyond my expectations.”

“Do you know how many people I watch die everyday?”

“And that should make it okay?”

“What difference does it make? You get what you want. I get what I want. I don’t see you caring that much.”

Zayn closes his eyes and leans his head backwards, a hand going through his hair. “You’re fucking insane.”

“Yet you’re still here.” Zayn opens his eyes again to look at Liam. “You always liked a twist in life.”

“How?” Zayn asks instead.

“The human body can be shut down slowly in more than one way. Harry’s body was already damaged. Let’s say that I simply added a one percent to the chance of operation failure,” Liam shrugs, like it’s a normal thing, and what kills Harry more, is the way that Zayn remains calm beneath him. All of those injections that Liam gave him when no one was around had a purpose like Harry expected, and he feels his body going numb, lifeless more than it already is. “No one is gonna find out.” He leans over Zayn again, but he’s interrupted by Zayn’s phone ringing in his pocket, literally pushes away as Zayn picks it up quickly.

“Lou? Is everything alright?” Liam furrows his brows as Zayn frowns. Harry doesn’t find it that alarming that Zayn’s tone is shifting when he talks to Louis. Something that he should have noticed too. “What?!” Zayn stands quickly, and Liam is quick to stand on his feet as well.

“Zayn?”

“I’m on my way,” Zayn hangs up and turns to Liam, who is still having a confused expression on his face. “It’s urgent and Louis just got himself in trouble and I-” he sighs, a hand going through his hair. “Would it be alright if I passed by your office tomorrow? To get this sorted out?”

“I … yeah, sure,” Liam replies.

“Thanks,” Zayn gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and then he’s quick on his feet until he’s out of the door. Finding that there’s nothing else he can do here, Harry stands up as well, thinking that even if he jumped out of the window, no harm would be done to his ghostly body, so he does.

He’s inside Zayn’s car because he has no other place to go, and he’s hurt more than he’s confused as he waits there for Zayn to get into his car, engine starting and eyes fixed on the road as he speeds up. His phone is still ringing, Louis’ name flashing on the screen twice in a row before Zayn hits the brakes and closes his eyes, hand reaching blindly to pick up his phone as he rests his head on the driving wheel.

 _“The hell was that?”_ Louis inquires.

“Could you call your boyfriend?” Zayn ignores his question. “I need to see both of you first thing in the morning.”

 _“What?”_ Louis asks. _“The hell have you done?”_

“Lou-” Zayn sighs. “Please.”

Louis is silent for a moment, but Harry can hear his sharp exhale from where he’s sitting. _“Fine,”_ he replies. _“And he’s not my boyfriend.”_

“Thanks, bro,” Zayn picks his head up.

_“Would you tell me where are you at least?”_

“It’s the 25th of Feb, Lou.”

Louis is silent again, and Harry furrows his brows. _Is that a date he should have memorized?_

 _“Be decent when you show up tomorrow,”_ Louis pauses. _“Not too decent, but decent enough.”_

A smile appears on Zayn’s face. “Got it.”

_“It wasn’t planned though. Don’t blame me for not showing up.”_

“I know.”

Harry looks at his side as they say their goodbyes, brows furrowing deeper when he finds that Zayn has parked in front of a graveyard. He hears the sound of the door closing before Zayn’s figure shows up in front of him, and he gets out of the car as well, following Zayn until he stops, a familiar name carved into the stone as Zayn sits in front of it and sighs heavily, shoulders dropping and emotion shifting, and if Harry’s being honest, it’s like Zayn is slipping into too many characters that he’s not able to tell which is who, but there’s something about the way Zayn’s eyes are moving over the name that makes Harry sit down next to him.

“Been a long while,” Zayn begins. “I don’t have flowers this time. Sorry. It’s just …” he sighs again, “It’s just a rough time.” He pulls his phone out of his pockets. “Sorry for showing up looking like this. You’re probably having this disapproval look on your face,” a smile appears on his face for a second. “But …” he looks at the stone again, “I just had to see you,” Harry frowns as Zayn’s voice crack. “There’s a lot that I haven’t told you,” he scrolls through his phone. “I met someone last year … You’d have liked him,” he smiles again, and Harry glances at the screen to see a picture of them, a few days before he enters the hospital. “He’s sweet, and kind, and he actually cares, you know?” Zayn’s fingers trace slowly over his screen, and a short laugh that’s more of a huff comes out of his mouth. “Guess you’ll get to meet him after all.” Zayn looks up, tears in his eyes that threatens to fall that he wipes away as he blinks once before his eyes close. “Louis says hi by the way,” he opens his eyes and whispers, “Please don’t take him too.”

Harry sits there watching as Zayn finally breaks, face in his hands covering his sobs, eyes leaving him for a moment to land on the stone once more, wondering why he’s never heard of that name before.

_Patricia Brannan Malik._

////

**Wednesday, 8:00 pm. 15 th November, 2017**

Zayn is sitting on the bed with a book in his hands, wearing only one of Harry’s white silk shirts, hair down and slightly wet indicating that he’s just taken a shower. Harry loves how soft he looks as he stands in the doorway with a smile on his face, pushing his fingers through his hair before Zayn looks up at him.

“You get here early.”

“It’s eight,” Harry chuckles as he makes his way to the bed, shoes already discarded with his jacket. Zayn’s smile grows, resting the book aside as Harry climbs into bed next to him. He takes his time with the kiss before Zayn bites on his bottom lip.

“Welcome home,” Zayn whispers into his lips. Harry hums, his hand trailing down Zayn’s leg as Zayn’s own unbuttons his shirt. “Can we try something new?” Zayn asks when he pulls back, and Harry blinks at him.

“What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Something you’ll like,” Zayn smiles at him with a tilt of his head, sliding Harry’s shirt off his shoulders before he’s getting off the bed and picking up a box that Harry didn’t see on top of the nightstand. He takes off the shirt completely as Zayn sits on the bed again, fingers tapping on the box as he looks at Harry, eyebrows raising higher in his forehead. “You’re not gonna take the rest of your clothes off?”

“Aren’t you?” Harry counters, but he’s also taking off the rest of his clothes as Zayn keeps his shirt on. He eventually opens the box, shifting on the bed until he’s sat on Harry’s lap, and Harry’s eyes land on what he’s taking out of the box. “Handcuffs?”

“You’re not into it?” Zayn asks, but he’s already closing one on Harry’s wrist before he gets to reply.

“To be honest, I never tried it before.”

Zayn smiles again. “You’ll love it.” He pushes Harry back until he’s laid on the bed so he’s able to handcuff him to the bed. Each hand separated. And he kisses his lips quickly before he’s off him. Harry tries to move his hands a little, and it’s not that uncomfortable, but he would have liked more for his hands to be able to roam freely. His legs are spread wider, and when he looks down, Zayn is also closing a handcuff around each of his ankles, tying him to the bedpost. Before he gets to ask, Zayn picks yet another thing out of the box and approaches him again. He’s quiet when he does it, eyes focused and calm, and his hands reach his cock, a leather band being put around the base that feels too tight, and another around his balls, and when Zayn ties yet another band around his cock, he voices his protest.

“I think you got the wrong size.”

“It’s the perfect one,” Zayn replies with a smile.

“That’s not gonna be comfortable when I’m hard. It feels like … like there’s small bumps pressing on my dick.”

Zayn chuckles and looks at him. “That’s actually true. But it’s for pleasure, I promise,” he presses on the band, making Harry hiss as he feels the slightly sharp yet round edges pressing on his dick. He’s not going to lie though, it gives a twitch to his dick. At the end of the strap, there’s a small plug that’s ghosting over his tip and Harry furrows his brows.

“Okay, no, that’s not gonna happen,” he pulls at his restraints.

“Just relax, it’s barely an inch” Zayn moves backwards a little, bending until Harry can feel his breath on his skin, and he starts at the base, tongue licking his way up to the head and then sucking at it making Harry sigh as he relaxes on the bed once more, Zayn’s tongue leaping at the tip feels so good that he can feel the leather band tightening and tightening, and a moan escapes his lips, Zayn’s hands at his balls making him reach his high faster, but then Zayn’s mouth is gone, and he’s looking down on time to see Zayn closing the plug into his sensitive tip before his tongue darts across it once more. He leans back, eyes trailing slowly over Harry’s body, and he has the same look in his eyes from that night in the club. He moves until he’s straddling Harry again, hands gently lifting his chin as he kisses him slowly, and Harry can feel the weight of his dick on his abdomen.

“Does it excite you that much?”

Zayn doesn’t reply, a faint smile on his lips as he trails his hands down, a light touch on Harry’s throat before it’s replaced by his mouth, and then he’s leaning back again, biting his bottom lip as he stares at Harry behind his lashes. “Wanna open me up?”

Harry’s not going to protest as Zayn slides his shirt off and moves higher on his chest. He turns around, knees at each side of Harry’s head and hands spreading his cheeks apart making Harry’s hand tug at the handcuffs. Normally, he’d touch himself at that sight alone. Zayn is careful when he lowers himself on Harry, allowing the latter to lick around his entrance first before he’s able to push his tongue in. He knows Zayn is arching his back like he always does when he hums low in his throat, pushing down a little more, and he loves it as much as Harry does when he licks at his walls inside, fingers digging into his skin and hips moving in small round motions, trying to get the best angle that pleases him. It doesn’t take Zayn too long before Harry can hear his short breaths and mumbles, and then there’s this hot sperm on his chest with a tremble of Zayn’s hips before he’s lifting himself off Harry.

Zayn turns around to face him, one hand on Harry’s hip as the other grabs his dick. He fingers at the plug making his dick twitch before he’s lowering himself again, and Harry moans at the feeling, the straps wrapped around his dick making him feel extra when Zayn squeezes around him, and it’s too much but not enough at the same time, feeling this high when Zayn starts building a rhythm, his dick hardening again, and Harry’s lips fall apart, waiting for too long until now that builds up to the pleasure, and he is about to come, his hips moving up, barely going far with the handcuffs on his ankles, but the snap of it makes Zayn gasp, and he groans loudly when he gets that feeling at the pit of his stomach, his hips staying high above the sheets for a moment before he lands down again, his dick too sensitive and pulsing, but he can’t come, the frustration of it along with the sensitivity making his eyes shut tightly with another groan, but at least Zayn stops his movement.

“Come on …” He opens his eyes again to look at Zayn. “Take those things off …”

“You want to come?” Zayn asks as he pushes his hair off his face, breathless as Harry feels. And he lifts himself completely, leaving Harry to groan again, his dick looking red and thick, barely a drop or two leaking out of the tip. He feels like he’s about to burst. Zayn doesn’t remove his eyes off him, a hand coming to pump him slowly, tightening around the leather strap once, toying with the band at the base, or moving the plug at the tip, making his dick twitch at every move.

“Zayn-” A choked moan escapes him when he sucks at his balls. “Want to …” Zayn hums, never stopping, and it makes his head spin. _Too much_. “Please …” He breathes out, and Zayn finally lets go.

“You want to come?” He repeats, and Harry can barely get a nod out as Zayn sinks in once more, and Harry swears it’s not healthy, how he feels Zayn’s warm walls around him again tightening the straps and pushing at his veins. “Gotta work for it, babe.” He taps at Harry’s hips, moving his own in slow circles. Harry’s hold on the handcuffs is surely going to leave marks, but he takes a deep breath and snaps his hips up as best as he can, thrust after thrust until his eyes fall shut and his hips part again, the pleasure building up again above everything else, and he hears Zayn cursing in the background.

“Fuck-” His hips are shaking, and his body is begging for a release, and he literally whines when Zayn lifts himself high enough that Harry’s dick can’t get inside anymore, but he feels Zayn’s hands at his dick, and it keeps twitching when Zayn removes everything off him, positioning himself once more on top of Harry so he’s able to thrust back inside, and it feels too good to let go that his hips don’t stop until he’s finally giving in, hips stopping and toes curling as he comes, and he’s pretty sure he feels some of Zayn’s semen on his chin. When he finally comes down from his high, he’s positive that it took longer than he’s even experienced, Zayn is smiling at him lazily, his hair falling on his face, but he looks less fucked up that Harry for sure.

“Hey,” Zayn says softly to him as he cups his face, and Harry can barely kiss him back. He stays in his place for a longer moment as Zayn unlocks the handcuffs before he’s bringing his hands together, a clear red mark on his wrists that he’s sure there’s a similar one on each of his ankles as well. “So …” Zayn starts as he leans up to him. “How was that?”

“Too much,” Harry replies honestly.

“Too much as in you like it or?”

“Too much as I’m never doing it again,” Harry frowns at his wrists. He closes his eyes and breathes in and out until his breath is even, and then he turns to look at Zayn, but he’s not at his side anymore. He’s placing the handcuffs back in the box, and Harry can barely see the side of his face.

“You should get a shower.”

“Yeah,” Harry replies, moving towards the bathroom before he gets to see Zayn’s face.

////

**Monday, 6:00 am. 26 th February, 2018**

Harry stays wide awake with his thoughts next to Zayn. He’s kept crying for a long time until his body couldn’t bear it anymore and he fell asleep next to the grave. Among all the dead people around, Harry hasn’t seen anyone, which is weird for him considering he’s a ghost himself. A thought that Harry has accepted now. Maybe he’s still here because his body is still connected to all those machines. His hand comes up to brush against Zayn’s cheek, and he actually touches it, a smile appearing on his lips as he’s able to brush his fingers through his hair. It’s barely a complete minute before Zayn’s phone is ringing, and Harry’s hand slips away from his hair, touching nothing but air once more.

Zayn blindly slides the answer button, his eyes still closed as he brings the phone to his ears. _“Please tell me you haven’t slept in the graveyard.”_

Zayn sighs, “What time is it?”

_“Six in the morning.”_

Zayn yawns, finally opening his eyes and sitting up, a hand rubbing at his eyes. “Did you call your boyfriend?”

Louis groans on the other end. _“He’s not my boyfriend.”_

It makes Zayn smile. “Where are we meeting?”

_“At mine.”_

“Kay,” he looks back at the stone. “On my way.” He hangs up and takes a deep breath before he’s standing up and dusting his clothes off. “Sorry, mum. Gotta go. Love you,” he blows a kiss at her grave before he’s jogging back to his car. Harry glances at the grave for a moment before he’s following Zayn.

Zayn barely bothers with his appearance as he drives back to Louis’, and the latter’s face when he opens the door for him is rather understanding.

“Well … You look like shit.”

“I try my best, thanks.”

Louis sighs as he steps aside to let him in. “Keith is in living room by the table.”

“Won’t take much of his time,” Zayn assures him as he steps in, and Harry can see the friendly smile on Louis’ boyfriend when he sees Zayn. Another person that he thinks should have gotten to know. “Morning,” Zayn greets with a smile of his own as he takes a seat across from Keith. Louis is frowning still as he sets next to him, arms folded as he stares at Zayn, who takes his phone out.

“Please tell me you haven’t murdered anyone,” Louis starts.

“Yet,” Zayn replies and starts playing a recording. Harry’s brows draw together as he listens, the same conversation he had to listen to just yesterday, and Louis is probably having the same look on his face as well.

_“Harry’s body was already damaged. Let’s say that I simply added a one percent to the chance of operation failure.”_

The recording is finished, and Zayn is the first to speak up. “Is it enough?”

Keith has his lips pressed in a thin line before he replies. “To be honest with you, Zayn, this actually makes you involved as well. This isn’t even an attempt of murder,” he looks at Zayn, and Harry knows when Louis’ hand reach to rub at Zayn’s arm to comfort him that he’s probably known by now. “But,” Keith keeps going, “If you have another witness and a documented proof, he can actually be arrested.”

Zayn closes his eyes for a second. “I’m supposed to sign the donation papers today,” he opens his eyes again. “Would that be enough?”

“We still need a clear confession along with a tangible proof.”

“He must have something in his office-”

“Zayn,” Louis interrupts him. “You could go to jail for this …”

“Not necessary,” Keith comments. “Like I said, if you have a witness with a clear confession and a tangible proof, we can get you out of it.”

“And how am I supposed to get that?!” Zayn huffs a breath out of frustration.

Keith bites down at his bottom lip. “I can be your witness.” Louis turns to look at him with furrowed brows. “If you can get him to repeat his confession one more time and hand you a tangible proof, I can be your witness.”

“You two are fucking crazy,” Louis shakes his head.

“I’m a cop, Lou,” Keith assures him. “It’s not that I haven’t dealt with this before.”

“Worth a shot,” Zayn agrees. “I didn’t want to push you. I’m sorry-”

“Hey,” Keith cuts him off. “Any friend of Louis is a friend of mine.”

Zayn smiles widely at him. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Keith waves him off.

“He wouldn’t say it, but Louis loves you,” Zayn throws away as he makes his way out quickly, and Harry can see the obvious blush on Louis’ face as he shouts after Zayn.

“You’ll pay for this, Malik!”

////

**Monday, 7:45 am. 26 th February, 2018**

Zayn has taken a quick shower, thrown his clothes from the night before away, and Harry wishes that -as Zayn looks at himself in the mirror- he’s able to see him like the last time. But he doesn’t.

“How did you know he was going to confess?” Louis asks from the doorway.

“I didn’t,” Zayn replies honestly. “I had a theory in mind. That’s all.”

“You could’ve- Zayn, he could’ve done something to you,” Louis frowns.

“He took him away from me!” Zayn turns to him with wide eyes. “He could’ve been here, but he isn’t. A psycho had to fall in love with me, and it caused someone else’s life …”

“It’s not your fault,” Louis’ frown deepens.

Zayn exhales and closes his eyes. “At least he should get what he deserves.” He walks past Louis to the bedroom, throwing in a t-shirt that obviously belongs to Louis over his head.

“Zayn,” Louis calls for him and waits until Zayn turns to him. He doesn’t say anything more, but Harry can tell exactly what his next words would have been just by looking in his eyes. And Zayn reads it too as he approaches him with a hand on Louis’ shoulder.

“I know.”

////

**Monday, 9:00 am. 26 th February, 2018**

Harry looks up at the familiar building before he turns to Zayn, who seems calmer than he should be as he glances behind him once then pushing his way inside. Harry doesn’t stop by the room he’s come to hate by now. Just the picture in his mind is enough to discourage him. He’s pretty sure though that it’s worse by now. When Zayn stops at the door and takes a deep breath, Harry passes through the wall to get inside first. There are papers ready on the disk as Zayn opens the door, and Liam is the one who looks worried this time.

“Everything is alright?”

“Yeah,” Zayn nods as he glances at the papers. “You got everything ready?”

“You don’t need to worry,” Liam assures him as he stands up and hands him a pen. “All you need to do is sign those papers and we’re ready to go.”

Zayn glances again at the papers but doesn’t take the pen. “You said his body would be available for donation.”

“It would,” Liam replies. “I just need to do one last quick thing and all is sorted.”

“Can I sign them after it’s sorted?” Liam pauses. “I have a couple of questions in my mind.”

“Sure,” Liam nods at him and goes around his desk. “You can stay here if you want. It’ll only take me a moment.”

“I’ll come,” Zayn takes a step backwards towards the door. “I don’t think his family has returned yet. I need to make sure of one last thing too.” Liam narrows his eyes slightly but doesn’t answer since Zayn is already opening the door so he heads after him.

They reach that room again, and Harry doesn’t really want to get inside but he decides to go after Zayn and Liam close the door behind them. His body is paler if he’s being honest, lost some serious weight, and his skin texture is strange, making it all look so _wrong_. Liam turns to Zayn first with his hand pulling a syringe out of his pockets.

“So?”

“What is that?” Zayn nods at the syringe.

“This will speed up the process of his organs shutting down, however, medically, he should be fine working on the machines till they prepare him for the operation. I’ve already contacted a colleague who’s ready to do it.” Zayn’s eyes go up to meet Liam’s. “Your signature on the papers would make it legal.” Liam turns to Harry’s body, syringe ready in his hands, and Zayn takes a step back so he’s leaning on the wall, and Harry closes his eyes.

“Drop that down!” There’s a shuffle inside the room, and Harry snaps his eyes open to see Liam startled, syringe dropping from his hand to the floor, and there’s a gun pointed at him by none other than Keith, formal uniform and badge on display.

“What the fu-”

“Hands up, Payne,” Keith points with his gun and Liam puts his hands up slowly, glancing at Zayn who has a closed face looking back at him. Keith quickly places the handcuffs around Liam’s wrists behind his back. “You’re being arrested for an attempt of murder. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say right now can be taken against you.”

Liam ignores him and looks at Zayn with narrowed eyes. “You sat me up?”

“You’re too naïve to think that I would actually join you in a clear murder,” Zayn replies calmly. “It’s not about late night drives or my sex preferences. It would never be me seeking the money first. You built an image of me in your mind that you accepted no other that you actually thought that I would turn against someone I love,” Zayn pushes himself off the wall then. “It’s more than that, Payne. I’m not that type of person.”

Liam keeps staring at him until Keith pushes him out, and Zayn sinks down to the floor with his eyes fixed on the bed. Not a moment later, and there are already too many medics rushing into the room, and there’s Louis by Zayn’s side, and Harry could catch a glimpse of Niall in the hallway rushing to the room as well. He also hears a whisper from one of the doctors near the bed.

“Are we too late?”

He’s also able to see something else, Zayn’s eyes staring back at him, going wide for a long moment that Harry knows he’s able to see him now, and for the first time, he actually feels relieved, a smile appearing on his face, whispering a ‘thank you’ to Zayn before seeing the latter’s eyes going wider, and he thinks that this is it, as his body goes numb and his vision goes blurry, that it’s no longer required for him to stay.

_It’s time to let go._

////

**Friday, 8:00 pm. 16 th February, 2018**

His mom is sitting across from him, Gemma is on his side, they’re both nervous and don’t seem to be having genuine smiles on their faces, but his mother encourages him first, seeing his enthusiasm and his cheerful smile.

“What is it, love? Is it a new deal?”

Harry shakes his head. “It’s more than that.” She glances to Gemma and back to him, the same nervous smile on her face, but before she gets to say anything, Harry blurts out, “I’m getting married!”

Gemma blinks at him, and both ladies remain silent until his mom nods slowly. “Is it someone we know?” She glances at Gemma again.

“Not entirely,” he’s been waiting to introduce Zayn for a while, but the right time is yet to come, and he thinks that the wedding ceremony will be that time. “But I’m in love with him and-” Gemma scoffs at his side.

“Is it that stripper you met with the green hair?” She’s having an expression of disgust on her face, and Harry knows that Niall is the one who told her that false information, but he keeps his cool.

“His name is Zayn. Yes, I met him in a night club, and yes, he had green hair back then, but he is not a stripper, and he’s a really nice guy. I wouldn’t marry someone unless I got to know them well.” He turns to his mom. “You’ll love him.”

“Harry,” his mother sighs. “Why the hurry? You’re still so young.”

Harry furrows his brows. “I love him. I want to have a life with him. We’re already staying together in the same house for a long time now.”

“Darling,” his mother reaches to hold his hands across the table, and Harry can tell that she’s having genuine concerns, but the touch calms him nonetheless. “I’m just saying to take your time with it. You might regret this a year from now. You might meet someone new that you catch feelings for them too. You never know what you might find in your way.”

“Mum … I know hundred percent that I’m in love with him and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him just as much as I know that I love you.”

Gemma shakes her head and stands up, taking her bag with her. “Absolutely not,” Harry turns to her. “I don’t approve of this.”

“Gemma-”

“You’re not approving of this either, are you?!” Gemma asks Anne, and Harry turns to her as she sighs again and purses her lips.

“You’re not even going to hear me out? Not even gonna meet him? Give him a chance?”

“Harry,” Anne looks back at him.

“You’re not even going to support me in this? Give _me_ a chance?” Anne looks away this time with no reply, and Harry takes his hands back from hers. “I’m marrying him,” Harry tells them both. “Whether you like it or not, I’m marrying him.” He stands up as well, and Anne still wouldn’t look up at him. He doesn’t know what Niall told them and he doesn’t care either.

He’s marrying Zayn.

////

**Saturday, 1:45 pm. 17 th February, 2018**

There’s a golden band being slipped into his finger, and he’s feeling content. The silence is rather comforting him. Knowing that there’s no disapproving eyes looking at him right now makes it a lot easier for him to enjoy the moment.

“It doesn’t bother you?” Zayn whispers to him.

“Does it bother you?” Harry repeats the question to him. “Having it alone instead of a full party?”

“Not really,” Zayn smiles as he looks up at him. “It’s just that … they’re your family.”

“They’ll get along with it in the end,” Harry assures him with a squeeze to his hands. “And they’re going to love you as much as I do.”

Zayn laughs quietly. “I hope.”

“They will,” Harry repeats, kissing Zayn’s forehead. “You’re my husband. They must.”

“I like how this sounds,” Zayn smiles.

“Yeah,” Harry pulls back to look at him, the kind genuine eyes that got him hooked up. “Me too.”

////

**Sunday, 11:50 am. 18 th February, 2018**

He’s just taken a pill, but he feels like his head is too heavy. Zayn is picking up his books, looking good in his black leather jacket like he always does. He might skip the day. Give a call to Niall and say that he can’t make it. He knows the answer he’s going to get, and he would rather send a text even, which seems like a perfect idea since Zayn is going to be out anyway. He has an exam, which is something that he pouted about when he woke up today, not wanting to leave the bed until Harry laughed and pulled him out to take a shower.

“You’re not ready yet,” Zayn states, and it pulls him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah … might stay in today.”

Zayn frowns. “Why?”

“Just …” he sighs, brushing his fingers through his hair. “I need to finish some work here before I leave, and it might take longer than it should be, so …”

“You’re sure?” Zayn asks, “cause you don’t seem okay to me.”

Harry smiles at him and shakes his head. “I’m fine, all I need is a cup of coffee and-” he goes to stand, vision going blurry for a moment and he loses his balance. There’s a hand that he feels at the back of his head and a voice calling his name before it goes all black. It shouldn’t though. He’s been taking his medicine, but when his body goes numb, the pounding in his head won’t stop, and his heart feels heavy inside his chest, he knows it wasn’t enough.

That’s not what he planned for.

////

**Thursday, 2:00 pm. 1 st March, 2018**

There are mixed voices around him that he can’t quite decipher, his body is heavier than before to move, and there’s a faint light coming into his eyes when he tries to open them slowly. All the voices stop but the constant beeping beside him, and there’s a hushed tone calling his name before his eyes open fully to adjust to the light, chest filling with air, and he’s able to move his head towards the voices.

“My love.” It’s Anne, he knows her voice when it cracks, holding into his hand and wiping the tears on her cheeks.

“Hey, Haz.” It’s Gemma next, with a smile on her red face as she sniffs beside Anne, hand coming up to brush through his hair lightly.

“He just needs a couple more weeks then he’d be good to go home. Other than that, he’s perfectly fine.” He hears a whisper on his other side, and when he turns his head, there’s a doctor talking to Niall before he’s excusing himself. Niall has a smile on his face when he approaches him.

“Welcome back, Haz.”

But there’s one more person missing when he looks around the room, and his voice feels strange when he tries to talk. “Where’s Zayn?” Their faces instantly change at his question, and it’s Anne who speaks first.

“Why don’t you get some rest, love?”

Harry closes his eyes and turn to her. He knows Zayn is still here. He wouldn’t leave. “Mum, please.”

“Harry, maybe it’s for the best that you-” Niall tries but he cuts him off.

“He’s my husband, a part of my family, and I wish to see him.”

“Alright,” Anne nods at him and lets go of his hand even though Gemma is giving her a disapproving look, but she ignores Gemma and walks through the door. A couple of seconds later, he sees Zayn at the door, both relieved and worried at the same time, and Harry tries to give him a reassuring smile.

“Can I have a moment alone with my husband, please?” Gemma is about to protest, but Anne pulls at her arm to get her outside with Niall following right behind. Zayn barely goes to sit at the chair next to the bed, but he feels so far away for his hand to reach, getting too quiet to Harry’s liking. He’s tired. Too tried. Harry can tell. “Hey.”

A small smile appears on Zayn’s lips. “Hey.”

“You’re too far away,” he reaches out with his hand to demonstrate his point, and Zayn is about to say something, his eyes moving away for a second before he’s actually getting up to sit beside him on the bed. It brings a smile to Harry’s face when he leans in to kiss his hairline, a gentle touch of his hands as he hugs his head close, and it’s exactly what Harry has been waiting for.

“I missed you,” he whispers against his hair, and Harry hums.

“I’m sorry if my family has been giving you a hard time.”

“They just care about you.”

Harry tilts his head to look up at him. “You endure a lot for me.” Zayn just shrugs with a smile.

“You did the same for me. It’s only fair I give back.”

“If they only knew half of the things you’ve done for me …” he sighs, eyes closing for a moment, remembering the scene at their home not that long ago. He’s sure that Zayn wouldn’t talk about it, not even after he’s out of the hospital and back to their house.

“You should get some rest,” Zayn starts to move away, and Harry opens his eyes to look at him. His near death experience has triggered something inside of him, and he feels the urge to say everything at the moment before it’s too late again.

“I want you to stay,” he reaches with his hand to hold Zayn’s arm. “There’s something that I need to tell you.” Zayn bites down at his lip as he glances at the door. “It’s important.”

“Okay,” Zayn settles back on the bed.

“Ever since I’ve laid on this bed, I haven’t exactly been tied to it, and I’m pretty sure that my mind didn’t make up everything that happened, but I’ve been there the whole time with you if it makes sense.” Zayn’s eyes go wide, and it’s just a confirmation that he wasn’t hallucinating, so he smiles at Zayn. “I love you. I don’t care what anybody else thinks about what you’ve done, because to me, you were literally giving away your life for mine, and I don’t think I’ve met someone who cares about me that much before. There’s no single soul that would be enough for me but yours, and I want to continue living my life with you, so I’m asking you one more time, Zayn Malik, would you marry me?”

Zayn blinks at him. “What?”

“Niall might have burned the papers down, but my heart is still beating for you, so would you marry me?”

“Harry-”

“My family will object, I’m aware.”

“It’s not just that,” Zayn sighs.

“If it’s something else other than you not wanting me, then I’m not hearing it.”

“I would never not want you.”

“Then give me an answer, because I’m not allowing you to go without giving me one.”

“Harry, you’re literally on a hospital bed, barely recovering.”

“It doesn’t make me love you any less.”

“You wouldn’t wait until you’re at least out of the hospital.”

“I don’t want to risk it.”

Zayn smiles and shakes his head. “You’re too stubborn.”

“So would you marry me again?”

Zayn sighs, looking down at him with that smile that reaches his eyes, and it sets Harry’s heart at ease, knowing his answer already.

“Yes.”


End file.
